Hey you, Judgey McJudgerson!

This weekend has been rough. Which is probably embarrassing to admit since its only 3pm on Saturday.
My children have made it their mission to master the art of not listening and tantrum throwing in only a day and a half.

Now if you have kids i am sure you all have been there one time or another. The children just don't want to listen to anything you are saying. They are running around or talking back or crying for one reason or another.
In the comfort of our own home where we  can scream our heads off   can direct our children, it doesn't feel AS overwhelming. I mean.. yes it is still exhausting but then we can sit and wipe away the tears (theirs and our own) without eyes staring into our souls.

 Its when we are in public is when we die just a little bit inside.

Yesterday I was on the receiving end of those stares. 

I had to "run" to the store for a few items (Is there even a "running to the store" with younger children?). I walked into that store not even remotely expecting what would happen in the fifteen minutes i was in that building.
My oldest decided that it was gonna "be cool" to walk backwards... almost getting hit by a cart. While my youngest was darting his way through the aisles... almost getting hit by a cart.
I told them both to either hold my hand or hold each other's hands and they let out the biggest whine/cry i have ever heard. I shuttered and so did aisle 7.
I grabbed my five items and we headed to the check out lane. And i have no idea what devils design the stores but WHY do they set up ridiculously expensive toys right at check out? I mean.. i know why but please have mercy on us.
The boys decided it was absolutely ESSENTIAL that they have the $6 cheapo cars... but momma is balling on a budget and that was not on the list. I calmly told them that they were not going to be getting those today. I did not even finish my sentence before  my oldest dropped to the ground and started crying.
Luckily my youngest is easily distracted and he got oddly excited about the little table that pulled out at check out. So he kept pulling it out over and over again hitting me in the leg twice. And of course that inspired his greatest hits and so he decided to sing AT THE TOP OF HIS LUNGS. So loud i could barely hear the worker telling me the amount i owe.
I literally could feel the entire store staring and whispering. Nobody would say anything directly to me but i could hear the hushes and the dirty looks.
Finally it was time to leave, which should have brought me a relief... but it wasnt enough for my boys to misbehave in the store. Oh no... we have to make a show for everyone arriving to that store.
My youngest refused to get into the car and was screaming and crying. I had to force him down, as if he was a crocodile, to buckle him up. So many people just watched and i felt like a monkey in the zoo... but like they were watching me because of the wrong things i was doing and not for entertainment.
He cried the entire ride home.
And so did i.

So if you are a parent of younger children... you probably can relate. If you have kids who are a little older... you can probably remember.

I felt defeated and deflated.

And mostly... embarrassed.

All of those people were clearly judging my boys, judging me, judging my parenting, and probably judging how i handled the situation.

When i got home and my boys were all happy again and playing i vented to my amazing online community about this horrifying event. I just wanted to have someone who could tell me i wasn't alone and ask for advice for the future (consensus was to put them in the cart!)
One momma said this: "They don't know anything about your life, struggles, worries, or all the great moments, all they see is the current situation."

I hear often when we are talking about others judging that they don't know our struggles. They don't know that your child may have sensory issues or is autistic. They don't know that your child didn't take a nap that day or that your baby is teething. They don't know that your son is having separation anxiety because you are currently going through a divorce and learning to split time for the first time. They don't know that your daughter is more sensitive then some and is upset that she lost her toy. They don't know that your little one has so much energy and just wants to run.

But you know what else they don't see and know?

They don't see your child loving on their pets when they are home. They don't know that your child really loves to dance and it brings them joy. They don't know that your son is empathetic and caring or that your daughter just learned to say her ABCs. They don't know that you just walked away from a toxic relationship to better the lives of your children. They don't know that your kids use their manners at home and asked to be excused from the table. They don't see that. They just see the current state of our children.

Those people didn't see my youngest say "you're beautiful mommy" while giving me a hug earlier that day. They didn't see my oldest singing Tauren Wells 'Known' just moments before we walked in the store ( The lyrics say "I am fully known and loved by You.)
Those people don't know that my oldest is a thinker and a people watcher. They don't know that my youngest is fearless.

They. Dont. Know. 

So hey you, Judgey McJudgerson, staring at the kid at the store, air plane, hair salon, library, movie theater, etc. Remember that you don't know what the kid is going through or what an amazing, sweet, smart, kind, and wonderful child they are!
Extend some grace, will ya?
Plus... you're only gonna have to deal with it for a little while... momma is gonna get in the car and still be dealing with it. So send her a smile and some prayers too.

tantrums and love,
Monica

All the Judgmental Looks {My toddler melted down.. again}

Yesterday I took the both boys to see Santa at Bass Pro Shop. I have been wanting to do it since last month and since there is less then a week away from Christmas I knew I needed to do it this weekend. Bass Pro has the cutest set up; with tons to do and free pictures with Santa.

The boys had a nice nap, ate some lunch, and then we went to "Santa's house". 

They did so well with Santa too! No smiles... but no tears so I say it was a win in my book! MyBigBoy was a little confused and didnt know what he was so supposed to do and I have no idea what MyLittleGuy is doing with his hands... but its precious! haha. 

Once we finished with that we walked over to the craft table and MyBigBoy colored and then we looked at the train (his favorite!). 

Then, after a super fun and relaxed afternoon, MyBigBoy peed his pull up. Which really isn't a big deal to anyone.... except to him. He wants to immediately take it off -- right there, by the train, in a crowded room with strangers. There is no negotiating with this boy with big feelings. He tries and tries to take his pants off and I plead with him that we need to go to the car or to the bathroom. 

He falls to the ground in tears. 

I start getting the looks.

You moms know what I am talking about. The judgmental looks from people without kids reminding themselves to never have them. The sympethetic looks from other moms who remember what those days are like. The harsh looks from those moms who maybe parent differently and they think you are doing it all wrong. 

I stood there by the train track, MyLittleGuy in the shopping cart, MyBigBoy flailing himself all over and EVERYONE was staring. 

I scooped up my mess of a son and put him in the cart and started to walk out. 

Here is something I have learned about my boy in this short season -- if I try to repress his feelings - the feelings get bigger. 

Which makes sense. 

Have you ever been so angry and someone tells you to "calm down"?

What is your response? Mine usually isn't that pretty. 

So, MyBigBoy is in the cart basket and we are walking out. I am holding on to his shirt, attempting to keep him sitting down so he doesnt fall out. He is hitting the cart, crying, screaming. 

I am getting sooo many looks. 

Plus, can I just remind you that this place offers free Santa photos the weekend before Christmas. And there is a restaurant in there AND its a huge 2 story store! This place is massive and is packed! My son's ear piercing screams is all anyone can hear. 

We finally get outside and then MyLittleGuy decides to join in on the tears. It was small and off and on but he is very empathetic so he saw big brother crying and figured he needed to too. 

Outside they have a stand for kettle corn with a bench behind it. I take MyBigBoy out of the cart and let him "calm himself down" on the bench. Of course he falls to the ground still kicking and screaming. 

The whole time I am talking to him about how he is angry and I know he is upset because he wanted to take off his pull up. I explain that it is okay to be angry (because it is) but it is not okay to kick and hit. We are right by the exit so everytime someone walks by they hear my son yelling (and me letting him) and they give me the judgemental look.  

I mean before I had a very strong-willed toddler I probably would have done the same thinking, "why can't she control her kid?" Staring and judging and telling myself how that will never be me. My child won't throw fits in public place. 

But here I was.

And I realized something in middle of this meltdown. 

I really don't care what they think. They can stare at me, judge my parenting, talk about me while they walk away. I am not doing this for them. I am doing this for my son. Because I know how he operates (well... I am learning). Because I don't want him to feel like he has to stuff his very big feelings because I cannot handle them. Because I want him to learn how to control his feelings on his own eventually. Because allowing him to "feel the feels" helps him get in touch with his emotions. Because I want him to know that he is safe with me and his feelings are not too much for me.

And mostly because I know that he will get to the other side of this meltdown and the longer I try to control how he responds to his emotions the worse (and bigger) it gets. 

So, judge on, Judgey McJudgerson. 

MyBigBoy did stop crying. He ran into my arms "hold, Mom!". I held him and walked to the car explaining again about being mad and how to handle it. 

I buckled him in the car seat and he asked me "wipe tears, mom."

I wiped his tears, started the car, and we said "bye" to Santa's house. Then MyBigBoy did the sweetest thing ever! 

He said, "thank you mom."

Maybe he was saying thank you for wiping his tears or taking him to see Santa. Or maybe he was thanking me for allowing him to sort through his emotions in a safe place. Whatever the reason I knew that although it was embarrassing, frustrating, and just hard....... it wasnt the end of the world and we got through it.

So, to the moms of the screaming toddlers in public places. You're doing a good work! Keep it up. Its a hard and sometimes lonely road but remember you are a great mom and this too shall pass.

To the bystanders witnessing the melt down - try not to judge. Try to remember that we are all navigating through parenting differently and what works for you and your children might not work for me and mine. 

tantrums, big emotions, and love. - Monica

Re-launch & announcement

I know I haven't been around much. 

I have been chasing a 1 yr old, changing diapers, cooking, doing laundry, cleaning, and doing a lot of praying. 

Captivated By Love blog has always been such a fun place for me. My journal, my record keeping. My place to find encouragement for unanswered prayers. 

I have been praying a lot about what to do with this blog and now that things have settled down I am so excited for....

..... A RE-LAUNCH this Fall {no exact date but probably in October}.

There will be a new look and faithful writing. 

I will have recipes, cleaning tricks, wifey stuff, mommy hood, and a whole lot of Jesus talk. 

I am so excited and I hope you are too! 

And now for the next announcement ....

......

Yup! We are going to have a BabyVThe2nd! 

We feel incredibly blessed to be able to have another child!!! 

So I will be capturing my pregnancy again on here and on social media {@xxooMrsV} with hashtag BabyVThe2nd. 

MrV and I are just so happy! 

Relaunches, new baby, and love - MrsV

Things no one told me about motherhood

I have been a mommy for {almost} one year now! 

{oh my craziness! Still in shock it's almost been a year} 

I still have soooo much to learn as a new momma but I have also learned a lot already. 

I truly believe that no one can prepare you for motherhood. 

After all, every child is different. Every mom is different. Every family is different. 

I was thinking the other day that there are a few things that NO ONE told me about being a mom though.

So, I thought I would share some things I have realized along the way. 

• Your definition of "tired" changes drastically after having a child. 

A few days ago I checked my TimeHop app and it had a status from a year ago where I was about 37 weeks pregnant proclaiming to be "so tired". I wanted to giggle at myself. 

I WISH I could be that tired again. 

My adorable baby boy still does not sleep through the night so I am up 3-5 times before we wake up for the day. Before I had Baby V I could slowly wake up, make myself a cup of coffee, take our pup out and enjoy my coffee while I start my devotional time. 

NOW, I wake up to Baby V, change his diaper and take off his pajamas, brush his teeth, pick out an outfit for him, get Mickey Mouse clubhouse on while I cook breakfast, start a pot of coffee, take our dog out as fast as I can while Baby V is still eating his breakfast, finish feeding him, clean him up (and the high chair and surrounding area), get him dressed, set him down with some toys, then drink my Luke warm coffee until Mickey Mouse clubhouse is over ....which at that point is like 2 minutes. This is all before 9am. TIRED. 

• You will do things you swore you would never do before having kids. 

Before having kids I had this unwritten, running list of things I would NEVER do when I became a parent. Ha! 

You know, when you see the kids at the store/park/airport/church/doctor doing something and you say "well when I have kids they will NEVER do/say/eat/act like that." Word of advice: never make promises you can't keep. 

I told Mr. V when I was pregnant that our son would NEVER just wear a diaper around the house. I always wanted him in his cute little outfits, even if we were just home. Currently, he is napping in just a diaper. Yup. 

We also said we wouldn't let him crawl around in a gross environment. That changed when he was throwing fits during our three hour layaway on our way to California. "Uh.... We will just wash him really good. And make sure he doesn't eat anything off the ground."

You WILL do SOMETHING you said you wouldn't. Don't beat yourself up over it. 

• You will be judged for SOMETHING. 

I loathe mommy bashing. I actually hate any kind of bashing but it's hard enough being a mom (whether it's to one child or to 20 children) without judgement. 

You will be judged for cloth diapering, using disposables, vaccinating, not vaccinating, formula feeding, breastfeeding, breastfeeding after a certain age, baby led weaning, giving rice cereal, spanking, not spanking, co sleeping, sleep training,and pretty much every other decision you make as a parent. Remember mommies, there are so many different and beautiful ways to parent this precious child God has given us..... Let's spread love and let everyone be a parent in their own way. If someone is judging you for your parenting technique let it roll off your shoulder and remember you are doing the best you can to your abilities! And when you know better, do better! 

{parenting techniques are different from abuse and neglect. If you or someone you know is deliberately or in deliberately putting their child in danger, then it is time to speak up}. 

• Your love will grow more then you ever thought possible.  

It's true! In the beginning sleep deprivation and baby blues can mask that true, deep, love.... But just wait until they give you a hug, or a kiss, or smile, or say "mama", or offer some of their chewed up food, or put their arms up to be picked up. All of these things (and many more) make you fall in love day after day (and hour after hour). Children redefine "forever". I mean this child is YOURS forever. Forever. This precious little being that you are caring for is going to grow up, go to school, graduate, go to college or find a job, get married, and have children of their own... But they will always be your child. 

And my oh my does your baby LOVE you! You are all they know! They cannot even comprehend love but they have this overwhelming feeling for YOU! As their little heart and mind grow - so will their love for you too. 

So, those are some things no one told me about motherhood. 

What have YOU learned about motherhood that no one told you? 

Let me know in the comments!!! 

Cups of Luke warm coffee, dirty floors, and love. - Mrs. V 

My crazy, messy, beautiful life.

My days are filled with running after a baby (or is he a toddler?), making meals, cleaning up toys, wiping a booty, breastfeeding, going to bed at 8:30 only to be woken up 3 times at night and up at 7am, and entertaining a ten month old while attempting to be a good wife.

My life {at this point} is far from anything pretty. More days then I can count my hair isn't brushed and some days (like yesterday) I forget to put on deodorant.  I am always tired. Always. During Baby V's NapTime I am usually trying to catch up on laundry or just staring at the wall. 

I constantly have a Daniel Tiger's neighborhood song stuck in my head and some type of drool or spit up on my shirt. 

But I am cherishing this time! He is only small for such a short time. I mean he is already almost a year old. 

Although I never have make up on, usually wearing a big tshirt and yoga pants on {and might  even stink from time to time} I wouldn't pass up his laugh, toothless grins, and sweet cuddles for anything. The Lord has blessed me as a mother and I choose to praise Him for this crazy, messy, beautiful life. 

Sticky fingers, a change of clothes, and love. - Mrs. V