Trust the process

Today I have been a little reminiscent of when hubby and I were dating.

this was before he left in Jun 2010 at a friend's wedding. Cant tell in pictures we were struggling.

 After about 9 months of dating, my Mr. moved to Southern California  (about 10 hrs away) to go to a ministry school. It was something that we had always talked about and hubby said that when the school started -- he was going to go. We knew when he left for school that there was a "no dating" policy, since we were doing long distance we thought it would be alright.
A couple of weeks had passed and we found out that it really meant "NO DATING." The following months to come our communication was limited and we had to break our soul tie to each other.

Let me preface -- before he left for So Cal Martin and I were struggling. We were dealing with a lot insecurity, doubt, trust issues, jealousy, and just being so far from the Lord. We tried and our hearts cried out for the Lord... but we were still lost.

At the time when his pastors told us we couldn't have a relationship any longer and we needed to stop communicating -- I was upset!!! Oh my sadness I was upset! To put it incredibly dramaticly -- I felt like someone was ripping out my heart! Not only was my boyfriend 10+ hours away.. but now I can't even communicate with him!? Not even letters. :(

I felt confused and lost. People around me didn't understand the reasoning behind it (at times I didn't full understand the reasoning) but for 4 straight months we didnt say one word to each other. I HAD to trust and rely on the Lord. I had to pray to Him and fall even more in love with the Lord.
My love came home for Christmas break and it was a little awkward in the beginning. We were able to spend some time together -- but not kissing or holding hands or anything. We had given each other to the Lord in this season and we were TRYING to trust this process.
Hubby still proposed on Christmas morning and then left a week later back to school. The following 4 months were a little more confusing because we were engaged but still couldn't talk. I was planning a wedding with him... but it still felt a little.. unsettled.

Christmas break 2010

 Honestly for a very long time I resented that season. I was upset that I missed out on that part of his life. He was being transformed by the Lord and speaking into so many people's lives -- and I wasn't apart of it. I felt like his pastors hated me -- & that's why they didn't want me to talk to him. I had to fight back insecurities that he would be better off with someone else there (I battled that for a loonngg time! We had to talk through it with our pre-marital mentors and even after we were married the enemy would try to bring that lie back).

his graduation. (: 5.8.10 my birthday

Summer before our wedding. (: WWAAYY better place in our relationship! God is good!

 This morning I was talking with a friend about that tough season and the Lord reminded me what it was for. Its like a light bulb has finally went off. I SEE it now. Hubby and I learned (through that process) to find our identity and happiness in Christ ALONE! We were able to work through some of our insecurities, jealously, and distrust and be the couple that God intended us to be -- so that we could have the marriage God intended us to have. We are not perfect & if we try to find our happiness in one another -- we will ALWAYS be let down. But through that season we learned to rely on the Lord and leave the old behind and make something new with the two of us. We broke the old yucky soul tie -- to make a new beautiful one that is completely blessed.
We still have our ups and downs but with everything we have been through we are able to look to the Lord in any situation.

Its tough to trust the process when you are in it. When things don't seem to be going the way we want them to go its hard to say "ok, God I know there is a reason in this." More often then not we are thinking, "Get me outta here!!!" Remember that God could be preparing you for something. It may not be for right now... but it could be for your future. I don't think Martin and I would have the marriage we  have today if we didn't have that tough season. Trust the process and remember that He makes all things together for your good. :)

huge hugs from my home to yours!

processes and love. - Monica
♥ . ♥ . ♥

Fighting Insecurity

insecurity: (n)  Lack of confidence or assurance; self-doubt.

I loathe insecurity. I don't like it in myself and it saddens my heart to see it in other people.

I think there are differnt forms of insecurity... but ( I think ) everyone battles them from time to time. There is the insecurity of our looks, our personality, and our abilities. It all comes down to our worth.

Yesterday I was experiencing that self-doubt. I had crazy thoughts going through my head about how I am not accomplished enough, not pretty enough, not thin enough, not Godly enough and I am too emotional, too plain, too boring. So I was feeling not enough and too much at the same time! Wow was I in an unhealthy rollercoaster of emotions.

I kept taking it steps further thinking how my husband would be better off if he had never married me... or married someone else...bla bla bla.

Now, I don't want to write this for anyone to assure me... or feel sorry for me.. or anything like that. I wanted to write this to be REAL.  So if you are feeling anything similar to how I was feeling, you can relate to me and know that you are not alone.

I have had my ups and downs with insecurity. Sometimes when I feel like I have won the battle... another comes along. It is a daily struggle. So DAILY I must choose to come into agreement with what the Lord speaks over me.

Of course the enemy LLOOVEES when we doubt or question ourselves. He takes sheer delight when we go against what the Lord has said to us.
He wants us to feel not good enough, ugly, broken, small, ashamed, confused, too much to deal with, not talented, unaccomplished, and unloved. If he can get us to feel soo terrible about ourselves -- then he is winning. He comes to steal, kill, and destroy. [ John 10:10 ]
He will speak complete lies to you! And THOSE ARE LIES!

Here are some truths--

- You are all together beautiful  [ Song of Solomon 4:7 ]
- God created you and you are fearfully and wonderfully made. [ Psalm 139:13-14 ]
- God thinks you have an unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit. [ 1 Peter 3:3-4 ] 
-  God has great plans for your future filled with hope. [ Jeremiah 29:11 ]
- You can be strong and courageous because the Lord is with you. [ Joshua 1:9 ]
- You have more value then you can imagine. [ Luke 12:7 ]
- Charm and outward beauty will fade over time.. but a woman who fears the Lord should be praised. [ Proverbs 31:30 ]
- God is with you always. He is proud of you and will rejoice over you. He will quiet you with His love and exult over you with singing. [ Zephaniah 3:17 ]

Those are only a FEW of the many many things that the Lord thinks about you. Read them. Memorize them. Put them over our house. On your phone. In your car. Places that you can see them daily and be reminded. Surround yourself with these things - it helps.

When Martin and I were doing long distance I heard one of my pastors say "You are beautiful. You deserve to be pursued. You deserve to be adored." I loved it... so I typed it up and put it on my front seat visor of my car.
I also put the name 'Hephzibah'. Hephzibah is Hebrew for 'My delight is in her'... which is what God called His people in Isaiah 62:4. I wanted to ALWAYS be reminded of this truth.
The other thing I have in my car is a promise from the Lord... which was so appropriate in my time of being away from Martin.
'For the Lord God is a sun and a shield; the Lord will give grace and glory; no good thing will he withhold from those who walk uprightly'. - Psalm 84:11
All three of these are STILL in my car.

When I was at my lowest point and I was really re-building my relationship with the Lord after I fell away, I would put alarms or reminders on my phone to go off every 30-45 minutes that said things like "You are beautiful., You are worthy. You are loved. God is proud of you. You are lovely. You have a destiny."
Now.. for me at the time... I needed the reminders THAT often... but for you.. it may just be once or twice a day. But DO IT!

When self-doubt creeps in about the way that I look now I can remember Proverbs 31:30 that says that beauty is FLEETING. Now, we still need to be healthy.. so eating right (or at least... better lol) and exercising (even if it is chasing 2-yr olds or purposefully parking farther way from the store to walk) are important... but don't STRIVE. Don't create an unhealthy relationship with food. Don't beat yourself up because you don't look like a model -- or even like Susy down the street.
Once I keep in mind that beauty is fleeting (Proverbs 31:30) and that God says that I have an unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit ( 1 Peter 3:3-4) then I can accept the fact that I will never be a size 5 or have a larger chest. I am STILL beautiful!

You are powerful! Look at yourself like this kitten.

Lord, thank you for every single person that is reading this blog right now. God, I pray that you would touch them. Show them their worth. Remind them of the beauty that they posses that is more then hairstyles and jewelry. Thank you that you made all of us unique. That you created us in our mother's womb to be EXACTLY the way that we are. I praise you that every person has a divine future filled with hope and love. Help them to see that, God. I pray that if anyone is dealing with insecurity that they would rebuke that lie and hold tight to YOUR truth about themselves. You created all of us in YOUR image. You are the artist. Jesus is the model. We are the masterpiece. Help us to keep that in mind. Lord, we are sorry for speaking ill of ourselves. For speaking badly of how we look or how we are. We love you so much Lord. We praise Your holy name! We invite you to touch our lives and we submit to Your will. Thank you that YOU take delight in US. 

In Jesus Name. - Amen. 

I hope you all have a lovely day and weekend! 

seeing the lion in the mirror and love. - Monica

♥ . ♥ . ♥ 

Father of Lights

Martin and I had such a wonderful weekend together.

We watched shows, ate delicious food, and watched our California church from our Alabama living room (Soo thankful for live streaming).

Last night our church did a premiere of the Darren Wilson documentary 'Father of Lights'. Darren Wilson is the producer of Wanderlust Productions. He is an amazing and extremely talented man of God. He has also made the film 'Finger of God' documenting God's miraculous power all across the world and the 'sequel' 'Furious Love' about the extreme love of God. This third film 'Father of Lights' is all about Father God and how he is the light in dark places.  

It was so incredibly impacting! The movie is not set to release until October 2012 but we got blessed to watch it before. Our church is playing it live for 2 more days on ibethel.tv so if you want to.. check it out.

We are called to be light in dark places. We, as Christians, need to show the love of the Father to all people that we come into contact with. We need to have a life-changing encounter with Father God.

Father, I pray for everyone reading this right now. I pray for a true encounter with their heavenly Father. I pray that you would touch any past hurt from their earthly father that would distort their vision of You, God. Lord, touch any area where the church has told them that you are angry or scary or just want to smite them. God, you are so good and love Your children. You adore each and every one of them and You just want to love on them. Lord, I pray that they can accept that free love that you want to shower upon them. God, I just pray for fresh encounters of the Father's love. I pray that every person will discover a deep passion inside of them to be a light. Lord, we are the light. Help us to see opportunities to be that light. 

In Jesus Name, Amen

light in the darkness, and love. - Monica

♥ . ♥ . ♥ . 

50 Shades & Magic Mike

 I recently came across a link on my Facebook to a blog talking about the book 50 Shades of Grey  and the movie 'Magic Mike'.
If you do not know what they are -  'Magic Mike' is a new movie in theaters about male strippers and 50 Shades of Grey is the first installment of a trilogy of erotic novels.

It seems that so many women are talking about how "good" these are. I have no desire to watch or read them. 

If you have not yet read the blog (50 Shades of Magic Mike by MelissaJenna) please do so.
She writes it so raw and so real.. and SOO truthful. 

I think that it is so important, as Christian woman, to be a standard and to not go along with what everyone else is doing and what is popular. We need to guard our eyes since they are the window to the soul.

I always tell my husband that people know I am married not by the ring on my finger but by the way I am. I made it a priority in my marriage to continue purity. To stay pure to my husband and to my Lord. And that is including the things that I watch or put into my mind.
I am a Christian wife and I want others to see that about me when they first come into contact with me. Not to build up myself but to give glory and honor to the Lord.

I am completely 100% faithful to my husband with every single part of me. I cherish my relationship with my husband and God. I believe that it is worth fighting for.

What do you guys think?

Lord, I pray for every person reading this blog right now. I pray that you would speak to their hearts and comfort them. I pray protection over all the husbands and wives (and future husbands and wives). Jesus, give them a fresh touch and help them to guard their hearts. 

I declare a new standard of purity in the lives of Your people. Father, give us clean hands and pure hearts. Not because we are better but because we are Yours. Lord I pray for a "honeymoon" feeling for everyone reading this prayer right now. That they would fall even deeper in love with their spouse and most importantly with their first love - You.  I honor You today God and I thank you for marriages. For that beautiful union. In Jesus Name. - Amen

setting a new standard and love, Monica
♥ . ♥ . ♥

Trusting God & Blog Love { The Random Writings of Rachel }

Good Monday morning lovelies!

This weekend there were excessive heat advisory warnings so my weekend was spent inside relaxing with my love in the air conditioned house.

This morning I got up, cleaned, started laundry, drank some coffee, and read my devotional. Ever since Friday I have been trying to find that joy again and just rest in the Lord.
I am focusing on that He has divinely put me here in Alabama and although at times I cannot see the reason why.. He is such a good God and has great plans for me (Jeremiah 29:11).
I will trust Him. (:

I am on this journey and I put my hands in God's hands and will follow Him. I may have to remind myself this over and over again, but I will not stop going where He is leading me. My trust is in Him.

 - ♥ - ♥ - ♥

I so adore this blog-world! I get to meet so many amazing people from all walks of life! I am loving every single one of my readers and blogs that I come into contact with.

Here is a blog that I have found recently. Rachel is extremely intelligent and such a sweet soul! Go give her blog a look- see! (:

If you would like to do a button swap just email me at mrsv820@gmail.com (:

-.-.-.-.-

Hi! I'm Rachel and I blog at The Random Writings of Rachel

I am, as you might expect, in love with my husband Angel. I just graduated college with a degree in Mandarin Chinese. I'm passionate about too many things, among them the Word of God and languages. I'm fascinated by words in general. And, if you are American, you really need to read this, which will give you important information about how to pronounce the capital of China. Okay, okay, I'm a geek. You're going to notice that eventually if you read my blog, so I might as well admit it. It's not something that I'm proud of, hence the fuchsia tights paired with turquoise dresses. My ultimate plan is to disguise the fact that I'm a geek by wearing the most non-geeky clothes imaginable. Sometimes it works.

I write about anything that comes to mind. It could be clothes, crafts, or cemeteries. Sometimes you can't take me too seriously, other times you can. Come on over and get to know me!
-.-.-.-.-

 new found trust, blog friends, and love. - Monica
♥ . ♥ . ♥

finding the faith to keep walking

This weekend we had some friends come and visit. We were so busy last week trying to get the house all ready for our guests!

It was so refreshing having our friends here. My friend is from California and was my roommate when Martin and I first met. She married an amazing man of God and has been a wife for 5 months.
We talked and talked about how married life is and of our hearts for the Lord. It was so wonderful.

When they left Sunday morning, Martin told me that he was sad.

It was the first time we TRULY felt homesick. Our friends reminded us of California. Of our church. Of our family and other friends.
Some doubt started to set in.

Why are we in Alabama? Did we really move here so that Martin could work so hard, all day in the sun? Why did we leave our church to come here and not even find a church? What is it for us here in Alabama?

When I started to think of alternatives we could have moved to, the doubt became larger.

Why didn't we stay in California? We could have moved to Southern California and be working in a church. We could have stayed closer to family. Why are we here? What does God have for us in ALABAMA?

My focus was completely on all the questioning.

After some text talk with my wise mother-in-law, an encouraging facebook e-mail from a friend, and some beautiful time with the Lord I found the answer -- I don't know.

I have no true idea why God opened the doors for us to move to Alabama, but He did. He opened so many doors for us to move here smoothly. It is completely evident that the Lord's hand was in this move. I just have to trust Him.

My husband and I are learning to trust the Lord in a new way before. We are being stretched further then we have ever been stretched in our lives. We are gaining more understanding of one another as well as Our God.

Yesterday in my quiet time I was reminded of the story of Jesus walking on water.

Now in the fourth watch of the night Jesus went to them, walking on the sea. And when the disciples saw Him walking on the sea, they were troubled, saying, "It is a ghost!" And they cried out for fear.

But immediately Jesus spoke to them saying, "Be of good cheer! It is I, do not be afraid."

And Peter answered Him saying, "Lord, if it is You, command me to come to You on the water."

So He said, "Come." And when Peter had come down out of the boat, he walked on the water to go to Jesus. 

But when he saw that the wind of boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink he cried out, "Lord, save me!"

And immediately Jesus stretched out His hand and caught him, and said to him, "O you of little faith, why did you doubt?" And when they got into the boat, the wind ceased. 

- Matthew 14:25-33 (NKJV)

The first thing that I really noticed about this story was that both times the disciples were frightened, Jesus responded IMMEDIATELY! Once fear was present Jesus comforted them with either His voice ("Be of good cheer! It is I, do not be afraid) or with His touch (Jesus stretched out His hand and caught him). I love that Jesus will always come to us immediately.

Our pastor would often point out that the moment Peter started to sink was when he started looking at the storm around him.  His focus changed from the Lord's face to the scariness that surrounded him. 

We have to put our focus on God and trust that He will guide us. Not looking behind us to see what was left (a nearly sinking boat), not looking around us (the big scary storm),  not looking below us (hello!? Water that is not normally walked upon!). Our lives need to be one unbroken gaze fixed upon the beauty of His face (Vicky Beeching - Captivated).

I noticed that Peter did not ask "why". 

"Hey, uh, Jesus WHY don't you just calm the storm and hop in this boat and we can get back to it."

"Jesus, WHY am I walking on water, whats the point?"

"Wait a moment. WHY I am not sinking right now?"

"WHY am I the only one doing this? WHY aren't the others trying?"

I guess we really shouldn't always ask why and just follow Him

The other thing that I noticed is that Jesus said to Peter that He had little faith and asked why he doubted. Uh! Conviction right there. 

Peter. Okay... Peter actually got OUT of the boat. He tried. He had enough faith to step out and start walking toward Jesus. The other disciples just stayed in the boat. But Jesus said Peter had little faith. It took some faith to step out but we need to keep growing in faith so we can walk alongside the Lord. 

The last thing that I noticed in this scripture was that once they got back to the boat, the storm ceased. It stopped. 

Jesus had the ability to stop the storm but instead He decided to stretch the faith of His disciples. 

________________________________________________________________________________

Now, I still do not know why God opened the doors to Alabama. I am not sure how long we will be here. I know that I miss my family and friends a lot. I get home sick from time to time and it saddens me to be missing out on family events (like my beautiful niece graduating high school).

But I have to yield to the Lord. I need to keep my eyes on Him, put my life in His hands, grow in my faith, and trust him completely. 

wholly trusting, learning, and love. - Monica

♥ . ♥ . ♥

Little blessings

I just got back from the laundry mat

Two days ago yours truly was in charge of getting all the laundry done including my husband's work clothes.

After what seemed like 100 hours I had everything clean, folded, and in the bag! Since laundry is my least favorite chore (I would rather do yard work.. or clean the bathroom... or clean someone else's house then do laundry) I was feeling really good about myself that it got done.

All those feelings quickly dissipated when Martin was picking out his work clothes for the following morning.

Apparently I had left two of the three work pants at the laundry mat. Because it was already late and Martin and I needed to get up at 3:30 the next morning, Martin said that we should just forget about it.

Yesterday I didn't have the car so I couldn't check if the pants were there but I thought it was worth a shot to see.

When I pulled up to the laundry mat I said a quick little prayer and in I went.

They had the pants!!! The manager said he found them still in the dryer last night and put them inside. I was sooo stinking excited! Martin has clean pants to wear to work and we don't have to spend money to buy new ones! (:

It just reminded me again of all the blessings that surround me.

Like if I were to truly think about ever.single.blessing my heart is overwhelmed with thankfulness.

I have food. A roof over my head. Clothes (clean too!!!). A phone. Air. The ability to walk. So much!

I really want my heart to always be thankful toward the Lord. For all that He has done and all that He is doing.

Sure I have bad days... its not always smiles. There are times when we only have top ramen to eat (although my husband LOVES top ramen lol). There has been times when we couldn't pay some bills. There has been tears... but I can't let it get to me.

When I take the time to think about all the blessings, they completely outweigh the sadness and hard times.

Countless blessings and love. - Monica

♥ . ♥ . ♥

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I love Titus

This was my morning today. The Word and some coffee (and hubby too).

I have been intrigued by the teachings in Titus for quite some time. There is so much that captivates my heart in those verses.

Titus 3 says that we (believers) were once filled with lots of ugliness but because God was so merciful He saved us and filled us with His beauty (my overly romantic paraphrasing right there).

I could read that over and over again and continue to be reminded of the love that God poured out for me. I read that and feel encouraged to continue to flee from my previous ugliness.

Lord, thank you for giving Your Son so that I may have abundant life. Thank you that because of the grace that you have freely given me that I have the ability to walk away from my past foolishness. Thank You for Your love and kindness and I pray that praise will always be on my lips.

Grace, beauty in my heart, and love. - Monica

♥ . ♥ . ♥

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Our journey begins!

As I type this my hubby is driving. We are headed to our first stop in Southern California.

We bought our starbucks, gassed up, got everything in the car (after purging a lot.. and deciding "well.. we can buy oh when we get there.") and now we are off. (:

Father, I pray that You are preparing the way for us. I declare that angels surround our vehicle and protect every inch of our car. Lord, I pray that my husband and I will glorify you in our attitudes and speech. I pray that throughout this long trip we will take the extra moment to respond instead of react. That we will choose to love and respect one another.

Thank you for this fun and exciting opportunity in our lives. We give you all the honor and glory.

In Jesus Name -Amen.

Driving, starbucks, and love. -Monica

♥ . ♥ . ♥

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Hope and prayer

With all the stresses of trying to find a place to live in Alabama and all the opposition I am facing for this decision I am so glad that my hope and faith is found in the Lord.

If you are facing trouble (large or small) please don't stop hoping or praying.

Remember that you have a God who loves you deeply and who has a divine plan for you. (:

More hope and love. -Monica

♥ . ♥ . ♥

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Sweet Home Alabama

Well the decision is made!!! (Not that many of you even we were trying to make a decision. He he)

My love and I have been talking about moving and places we would like to go since we have been married. 7 months later... we are about to move!

We have some friends that moved to Alabama about a year ago (the husband is originally from there.) and they really like it. We started talking to them about the area and how we were interested in a possible change after summer as long as Martin and I could find work. Well the husband called Martin very early the other morning saying if we were willing to move sooner then later Martin could have a good paying job NOW!

So... we prayed about it and had peace..... so we will be there in two short weeks! We are packing, planning out the drive, and finding a place very quickly!

It will take us about five days to get to Alabama from Northern California. We are stopping along the way and will see things we have never seen before (hubby has never been out of Cali and I have only been to Portland, OR/Vancouver, WA).

We are ready for this new adventure!

Lord, be our guide and may we glorify You in this move and in our trip. We trust that this is Your will for our lives in this season and we praise You. My husband is my best friend and when stress levels are high I pray that I can be reminded that we are a team. When disagreements happen remind us that we are fighting against the issue and not against each other. Thank you for Your love, Lord, and for the love my husband has for me. Bless this move, God. In Jesus Name Amen!

New season, Alabama bound, and love. - Monica

♥ . ♥ . ♥

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thoughts on the run- slow down

My husband and I just got smart phones. I am still getting used to the keyboard, tons of apps, camera buttons, and all the fan-cay features.

At times I feel like technology is moving way to fast. Once we get used to one phone ... another, faster, more efficient model comes out.

Our generation needs things NOW! Instant popcorn, fast food, lightning speedy internet. I am guilty of the "no waiting" generation. We have e-mails and video chatting to stay in contact with our loved ones. I doubt many relationships would have stayed alive if we had to write letters and be connected through an operator like how it was so long ago.

Because of this super speedy-no wait culture we are in... we expect God to be the same. But He is better then that.

We are called to wait on the Lord. We are called to be patient. We are called to search out the mysteries found in Him.  All of those things take time. A relationship with the Lord isn't a *bing* its done adventure.... it is a slow and steady adventure.

So don't get discouraged if its feeling like God is not answering you fast enough, or you are not on the level you thought you'd be by now... God sends us beautiful letters... not quick e-mail responses.

Learning to slow down and love. -Monica
♥ . ♥ . ♥

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i want to leave a legacy

i want to leave a legacy. 

How will they remember me?

Did i choose to love? Did i point to you enough

to make a mark on things?

I want to leave an offering.

A child of mercy and grace 

who blessed your name unapologetically

and leave that kind of legacy. 

-Nichole Nordeman 'Legacy'

Today I read a blog that really moved me. I started following Not Your Everyday Cinderella a few months back. Her blog is inspiring, encouraging, and stir up my spirit. Today her words really got me thinking. She spoke on leaving a legacy for the next generation and questioned what people will think of us as they read about us in history books. What are we leaving behind? (I wont tell you all that she thought.. and you should really check her out!)

I used to listen to Nicole Nordeman's CD a lot when i was in High School (yup... i was that weird girl listening to music that no one else heard of. lol). Her lyrics in the song 'Legacy' are such a cry of my heart! I want people to see a difference in me when i say that i am a believer. I want my actions to match my words, my words to match my thoughts, and my thoughts to come from whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, whatever is excellent, or praiseworthy. (Phillipians 4:8)

 I do not want people to discover i am a Christian because i say "why.. yes.. i do go to church Sunday mornings and read my Bible from time to time." I want them to KNOW i am a Christian by the way i live my life... by the way that i love. I know that i am imperfect. I stumble. I fall. I lack. Just today i spoke to my husband in a not-so-kind way.  But in Christ.... in Christ i am made new. In Christ i lack NOTHING. In Christ i can find hope in a hopeless situation. I can find joy in a sorrowful time. I can find peace through a storm. I can find love through every kind of heartbreak. 

I want to live in a way that other people can find that hope, that joy, that love, and that peace. THAT is the legacy that i want to leave for the future generation. I dont want praise, or status, or recognition... i want our God to tell me "Well done, good and faithful one." 

What about you? Have you thought about it? What are you leaving behind? 

leaving a legacy of love. - Monica

♥ . ♥ . ♥ 

1st day of Lent

So when i decided to do this 40-day fast... i didn't even realize that it was Lent. He he. :)

Today is my first day of self-denial of coffee and sweets... and its been a good day to far. I read my devotional and listened to Bethel worship on my phone while getting ready for work. They sang 'Be Thou My Vision', which was the song that was playing while my husband and i took communion at our wedding... so obviously its close to my heart.

My prayer for today:
 God, be my vision! I pray that i never ever lose sight of who You are and who You have made me! With each day that passes i pray that i continue to get closer and closer to You and closer and closer to the realization of who i am! Once again, i surrender my all and i give you all the praise and the glory! Holy Spirit, guide me. Show me ways that i can represent Jesus in everything that i do.
 Father, i want to see with YOUR eyes. I want to love what You love and hate what You hate.
In Jesus Name - Amen!

clearer vision, growth, and love. - Monica
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Merry Christmas!!!

Christmas is almost here!!! Hooray!!!

These are my Santa jacket-inspired nails for Christmas... except.... being a busy little wife... they got all messed up. hehe

I have been very busy with work.. and hanging out with my husband. I have had a few days off and i have just been enjoying some much needed quality time with my hubby. :) Its been nice.

Tomorrow is Christmas eve and we are going to my in-laws for the Christmas celebration. Its crazy because last year is when my love proposed to me.

Its amazing how fast a year can go by and how much can change. Now we have been married for 4months! To think that a year ago today i had NO idea... where i would be today. haha. And the same goes for next year. I have no idea where i will be next Christmas... or what i will be doing. hehe.
Life is amazing and God is good! That has been my focus for the past few days. My hunger and passion are stirred up. Maybe its because of this Christmas season... but i pray i keep the Christmas spirit all the days of my life.

I have no idea where i will be next Christmas, next year, or even next month. But i do know that i am a child of God and He says that my footsteps are ordered.
He says that I have a future full of hope. (Jer 29:11). He says that when i am tired and weary that He will carry my burden (Matt 11:28-29). He says that i will find my strength in Him and not get weary (Isaiah 40:29-31). God will always supply my needs. (Phil 4:19). He tells us that ABSOLUTELY NOTHING will separate us from His powerful love (Romans 8:37-39). God will give us peace when we need it (John 14:27). AND... God has freely given me the gift of eternal life through Jesus Christ. (Romans 6:23).  I will walk by faith forever and believe and trust His promises.

Since i will probably not write before Christmas day... Merry Christmas! Sending you lots of love and lovely smiles from my house to yours!

peace, joy, goodwill to men, and love. - M

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Learning from Titus

This morning my husband and i got up very early (well... he woke me up and made me get up lol) and went to our church's prayer chapel to read and pray. The air was soo cold that i saw my breath. it was sooo wonderful.
Of course we stopped at Starbucks first... and then headed over.

I have been getting lost in the words of Paul in the book of Titus. I finished a book by Carolyn Mahaney called Feminine Appeal - 7 virtues of a Godly wife and mother. It is all based on Titus 2:3-5.

'The older women, likewise, that they be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not give to much wine, teachers of good things - that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed. '

I really enjoyed the book and i am thinking that i might read it again. The book walks women through those 7 virtues and what they mean. It is transforming, humbling, and encouraging. It allows us to find the JOY in being a wife, mother, and homemaker. 

Today i read Titus again... hehe. I have been reading it a lot lately. I am always finding more and more in it though. I enjoy reading things that i have read or heard before and really realizing what the Spirit is telling me in His Word. 

Titus talks about how we should be. What we should do.. and gives us an outline of how we are to honor the Lord with our actions. Titus 3:1-7 is what impacted me a lot this morning. 

^'1 Remind them to be subject to rulers and authorities, to obey, to be ready for every good work, ² to speak evil of no one, to be peaceable, gentle, showing all humility to all men. ³ For we ourselves were also once foolish, disobedient, deceived, serving various lusts and pleasures, living in malice and envy, hateful and hating one another. ⁴ But when the kindness and the love of God our Savior toward man appeared, ⁵ not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to His mercy He saved us, through the washing of regeneration and renewing of the Holy Spirit, ⁶ whom He poured out on us abundantly through Jesus Christ our Savior, ⁷ that having been justified by His grace we should become heirs according to the hope of eternal life.'

Paul takes us on a short little journey in these verses. He says how we are called to be. Listen to authority. Speak good of everyone. Keep the peace. Staying humble. Then he reminds us that yes... we were once not living for the Lord. At one time we were foolish, not obedient, deceived, and living in hateful ways. How can we talk bad about other people.. when we were once there? How can we not be gentle... when we needed others to be gentle to us when we were living in our sinful nature. I love the next part (v. 4-7). Paul clearly explains to us the reason WHY we can do what we are called to do. We CAN be peaceful because God has given us mercy. He poured out abundantly through Jesus, justified us by His grace and allowed us to become heirs to eternal life. It has NOTHING to do with our works and what we can do. It was all about what HE did for US. amazing! 

We can represent Jesus because He lives in us! 

I want to be known for my love. for my peace. for my joy. I want to be known as a women who has Jesus living inside her. 

What do you want to be known for?

learning, true feminine appeal, and love. -M

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giving thanks

Well we are only a few short days until Thanksgiving!

Last night my pastor spoke on having a thankful heart.
At times it can be very hard to be thankful -- like when things don't seem to be going your way or when you are struggling. But it is still sooo important to continue to be thankful. To keep that thankful heart toward the Lord and fight the enemy with a thankful heart.

Our pastor said that a thankful heart can be a weapon in the spirit realm. Thanking God for all that He has done or is doing in your life will fight the enemy who tries to steal your joy. When we start to think of stuff that we can be thankful for... we can't help but be joyful.

Even when times are tough and we may be struggling (in whatever area) I want to keep my thankful heart toward the Lord.

Enter into His gates with thanksgiving, And into His courts with praise. 

Be thankful to Him, and bless His name. 

-Psalms 100:4

thankfulness and love. - M

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burdens.

I have been feeling extremely tired the past few days. Not completely sure why either.

I have been working... but that is pretty normal for me, but still feeling just fatigued.

I got paid on Friday and i was able to pay all of our bills! Praise God! Perhaps that is what was keeping me feeling lethargic.

Sometimes we can lose our peace (and stress out) without even really realizing it. We go along with our everyday life and after awhile it can take a toll on us. Relationships. Bills. Work. Home. Everything just starts piling up and we lose our peace.
We need to constantly give our burdens (our stress factors - anything that keeps us from smiling) to the Lord. He is way more equipped to dealing with them then we are.

Psalm 55: 22 'Cast your burden on the Lord, And He shall sustain you....'

The Word clearly tells us in Psalms that the Lord will SUSTAIN us. Dictionary.com (because i dont know anyone who still owns an actual dictionary anymore) defines 'sustain' as "to support, hold, or bear up from below; bear the weight of." 

God tells  us to give Him our burdens and He will support and hold us up! (: I need that! 

So... if anything is stealing your peace, (anything.. large or small. Notice the verse does NOT say "large burdens" little burdens qualify) give it to the Lord and allow Him to hold you up and sustain you!

sustaining life, giving up burdens, and love. - M

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giving my insecurity to get freedom

I am learning a lot about myself. Some good things and some bad things i'd like to change.

Communication is key in every relationship.... so much more within a marriage. I am not ALWAYS the best at it. It is something that i would like to work on.

At times my husband is trying to be playful and funny and I can play for a little bit.. and then i get offended. i KNOW this is something that i need to work on. I guess it is just insecurity all built up inside me and not knowing how to release it and talk it out. Instead i just get mad and frustrated. Often times i will even start an argument over something that is soooo petty.
But because i have all this past hurt and insecurity in me...one little remark or joke sends me to a hissy fit, yelling, and eventually crying.

I know this is something i need to work on for my marriage and my family. Figure out why i am feeling the way that i feel and then releasing it to God. Give my insecurity, my hurt, my fears,my shame, my anxiety, and my doubt all to the Lord. I know that when i do this i will have even more freedom in my life and my relationships. I am released to be the girl that God created me to be! :) A girl who is free to be, free to live, free to give.

complete freedom and love. - M

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Starbucks, Hubby, & mentoring = a great morning

my handsome husband getting ready. 

I just love days that start with Starbucks and my husband. :)

peppermint white mocha. :)

This morning my hubby and I went to hang out with our pre-marital mentors (who will now be our marriage mentors hehe). It was sooo much fun to connect and chit chat. I LOVE chit chatting though. (;

It is sooo inspiring to talk with a couple who has been together for over 20 years and can relate. It is wonderful to hear that the things that Hubby and i disagree on or get frustrated with .. is normal and that we are still learning and growing. Marriage is ALOT of work but soooo worth it. 

Sure, we dont know EXACTLY what we are doing but we are trying our hardest to put God first in our marriage and to learn and grow. :) 

There will be bumps in the road but we will never stop going forward! :)

learning, growing, fancy coffee, and love. - M

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