Fighting Insecurity

insecurity: (n)  Lack of confidence or assurance; self-doubt.

I loathe insecurity. I don't like it in myself and it saddens my heart to see it in other people.

I think there are differnt forms of insecurity... but ( I think ) everyone battles them from time to time. There is the insecurity of our looks, our personality, and our abilities. It all comes down to our worth.

Yesterday I was experiencing that self-doubt. I had crazy thoughts going through my head about how I am not accomplished enough, not pretty enough, not thin enough, not Godly enough and I am too emotional, too plain, too boring. So I was feeling not enough and too much at the same time! Wow was I in an unhealthy rollercoaster of emotions.

I kept taking it steps further thinking how my husband would be better off if he had never married me... or married someone else...bla bla bla.

Now, I don't want to write this for anyone to assure me... or feel sorry for me.. or anything like that. I wanted to write this to be REAL.  So if you are feeling anything similar to how I was feeling, you can relate to me and know that you are not alone.

I have had my ups and downs with insecurity. Sometimes when I feel like I have won the battle... another comes along. It is a daily struggle. So DAILY I must choose to come into agreement with what the Lord speaks over me.

Of course the enemy LLOOVEES when we doubt or question ourselves. He takes sheer delight when we go against what the Lord has said to us.
He wants us to feel not good enough, ugly, broken, small, ashamed, confused, too much to deal with, not talented, unaccomplished, and unloved. If he can get us to feel soo terrible about ourselves -- then he is winning. He comes to steal, kill, and destroy. [ John 10:10 ]
He will speak complete lies to you! And THOSE ARE LIES!

Here are some truths--

- You are all together beautiful  [ Song of Solomon 4:7 ]
- God created you and you are fearfully and wonderfully made. [ Psalm 139:13-14 ]
- God thinks you have an unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit. [ 1 Peter 3:3-4 ] 
-  God has great plans for your future filled with hope. [ Jeremiah 29:11 ]
- You can be strong and courageous because the Lord is with you. [ Joshua 1:9 ]
- You have more value then you can imagine. [ Luke 12:7 ]
- Charm and outward beauty will fade over time.. but a woman who fears the Lord should be praised. [ Proverbs 31:30 ]
- God is with you always. He is proud of you and will rejoice over you. He will quiet you with His love and exult over you with singing. [ Zephaniah 3:17 ]

Those are only a FEW of the many many things that the Lord thinks about you. Read them. Memorize them. Put them over our house. On your phone. In your car. Places that you can see them daily and be reminded. Surround yourself with these things - it helps.

When Martin and I were doing long distance I heard one of my pastors say "You are beautiful. You deserve to be pursued. You deserve to be adored." I loved it... so I typed it up and put it on my front seat visor of my car.
I also put the name 'Hephzibah'. Hephzibah is Hebrew for 'My delight is in her'... which is what God called His people in Isaiah 62:4. I wanted to ALWAYS be reminded of this truth.
The other thing I have in my car is a promise from the Lord... which was so appropriate in my time of being away from Martin.
'For the Lord God is a sun and a shield; the Lord will give grace and glory; no good thing will he withhold from those who walk uprightly'. - Psalm 84:11
All three of these are STILL in my car.

When I was at my lowest point and I was really re-building my relationship with the Lord after I fell away, I would put alarms or reminders on my phone to go off every 30-45 minutes that said things like "You are beautiful., You are worthy. You are loved. God is proud of you. You are lovely. You have a destiny."
Now.. for me at the time... I needed the reminders THAT often... but for you.. it may just be once or twice a day. But DO IT!

When self-doubt creeps in about the way that I look now I can remember Proverbs 31:30 that says that beauty is FLEETING. Now, we still need to be healthy.. so eating right (or at least... better lol) and exercising (even if it is chasing 2-yr olds or purposefully parking farther way from the store to walk) are important... but don't STRIVE. Don't create an unhealthy relationship with food. Don't beat yourself up because you don't look like a model -- or even like Susy down the street.
Once I keep in mind that beauty is fleeting (Proverbs 31:30) and that God says that I have an unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit ( 1 Peter 3:3-4) then I can accept the fact that I will never be a size 5 or have a larger chest. I am STILL beautiful!

You are powerful! Look at yourself like this kitten.

Lord, thank you for every single person that is reading this blog right now. God, I pray that you would touch them. Show them their worth. Remind them of the beauty that they posses that is more then hairstyles and jewelry. Thank you that you made all of us unique. That you created us in our mother's womb to be EXACTLY the way that we are. I praise you that every person has a divine future filled with hope and love. Help them to see that, God. I pray that if anyone is dealing with insecurity that they would rebuke that lie and hold tight to YOUR truth about themselves. You created all of us in YOUR image. You are the artist. Jesus is the model. We are the masterpiece. Help us to keep that in mind. Lord, we are sorry for speaking ill of ourselves. For speaking badly of how we look or how we are. We love you so much Lord. We praise Your holy name! We invite you to touch our lives and we submit to Your will. Thank you that YOU take delight in US. 

In Jesus Name. - Amen. 

I hope you all have a lovely day and weekend! 

seeing the lion in the mirror and love. - Monica

♥ . ♥ . ♥ 

Playoffs and believing in yourself

The big thing that is going on in my house right now is NFL playoffs!

My husband is a lifelong 49er fan. The entire family is. Now... the 49ers weren't always the greatest team, i guess. Apparently they went through tons of coaches went through many seasons with not too many wins. Last year they only won 6 games and lost 10 games! 

This year their record for the regular season was 13-3 and are now going to play in the NFC championship game (only one game before the Superbowl)!

hehe.. i am having to check all this with my husband and my best friend, google.

The most amazing thing about this team this year is that is all the same guys playing. The same quarterback. The same tight end. The same running back. The SAME team. The BIG difference is a different coach. Jim Harbaugh is having his first year with the 49ers and taking them straight to victory. 

Even if you aren't a 49er fan it is hard to ignore the success that they are having. The change is completely evident in their game and the way that they carry themselves. 

It is amazing what one person believing in someone can do! Someone who takes the time to excite the person. To encourage the person. To shape their God-given gifts and grow their talents. Coach Harbaugh is often seen pumping Alex Smith (the quarterback) up with hitting his pads and helmet. Its incredible what can happen when someone in your life INVESTS their time in you. 

When you have someone believing in you, its easier to believe in yourself. My pastor has said that we become what we think the most important person in our lives expects us to become.  If the most important person expects us to become great.. then i think we will have the confidence to do so. BUT if the most important person says that we are worthless, not good enough, that we will never amount to anything, annoying, too much to handle.. etc... then in most cases what do we have to try for? Why would we try to be great when the people around us say that we aren't good enough. 

I know that i am not perfect at all.. but i want to try to encourage others. To believe in them. To tell them they can.. when everyone around is telling them they cant. I want to pump others up and get them excited about what they are passionate about. So that they can someday get to their "Superbowl game" of their life. 

playoff games, believing, and love. - Monica

♥ . ♥ . ♥

The Lovely Little Perk-Up Challenge

So... my beautiful friend, Shawna and i were talking the other day about life, confidence, busyness, and ourselves.  We were saying that we often look at other girls  women around us and think how cute they look! Then we take a look back in the mirror and feel disappointed.

Now i know that there is soooo much more to us then our outward appearance.

Beauty is fleeting and charm is deceptive but a woman who fears the Lord deserves to be praised. Proverbs 31:30

But i think there is something to that inner confidence that shines outward. That feeling of beauty. Of course it is more then jewelry, hairstyles, and clothes. It is more then expensive make-up or high heels. 

It is that inner, quiet peace inside all of us as a women that speaks to our hearts and says "you are lovely." I do not use things (makeup, clothes, jewelry) to cover anything up (except maybe a blemish or dark circles hehe). I use it to enhance what God has already made beautiful. It is good to feel good about yourself. It is uplifting to yourself to feel cute. 

Whether you are a stay-at-home mom (like my friend), a new bride, a single woman, a full-time student, a career woman, or still discovering who you are - take some time for yourself to enjoy your loveliness. (: 

I ALWAYS feel cuter when I try just a little bit harder. Style my hair. Put on a cute outfit. Have a pretty accessory on. When you have found that inner confidence inside of you.... it is easy to manifest it on the outside. Don't make it all about the "stuff"... but find a good balance. It is okay to feel lovely. 

When i truly FEEL lovely... i just feel good! My heart is warm. I am happy. I feel confident. Feeling lovely and feeling "hot" are two different things to me. I think feeling lovely comes from both the inner and the outward. Where hot just seems.... shallow. Based upon JUST the looks. Loveliness comes from within and pours out. 

Now back to Shawna and I.  Currently Shawna is about 17 weeks pregnant with her 4th little bundle of joy and definitely needs a confidence booster! Her body is changing with every passing week as her little baby grows and she is running after her other little ones. I am a new bride.. working and learning to cook clean and basically how to be a wife. We are on different parts of life... but one thing still remains with us... the longing for that feeling of loveliness. Things feel good when WE feel good. 

So we have come up with this little challenge - The Lovely Little Perk-Up Challenge. (Shawna's is called the Pregnancy Perk-up Challenge). The challenge for ourselves is to find that little bit of loveliness in us every day.  I am not sure when it will end... or if it will become a lifestyle. But we are going to embrace the lovely bodies (even while they grow) that we have. We will find that true loveliness inside of us and have it pour out. 

We will document daily us trying to "perk-up" our days a little with a splash of our loveliness. Wear cute outfits. Do our hair. Cute accessories. Just adding a little extra everyday. After all it takes the same amount of time to put on jeans and a nice top as it does yoga pants and sweatshirt. And i know i feel way lovelier with jeans then i do with yoga pants. hehe.
Feel free to join the challenge too! It starts tomorrow!

little lovelies, confidence booster, and love. - M

♥ .  ♥ . ♥