I need grace {my realization}

We all get busy.

I am at that point where I feel like I am always doing something but then I feel like I did nothing. 

My new mom life is filled with changing diapers, breastfeeding, managing NapTime, singing "itsy bitsy spider" a million times, preparing easy to swallow meals, and chasing after a crawler who wants to put everything in his mouth. 

Busy. 

The other day I realized that I am not spending enough time with The Lord. Sure... I am not doing anything WRONG. I am not getting drunk or sleeping around. I'm not killing people or cheating. I read my bible every few days and maybe even listen to a worship song. I say my little "thank you" prayer before I eat and before bed. That's good, right? 

Except, that I felt myself being jealous of other people. I was having an attitude with my husband and would even get impatient with my ten month old. I was feeling bitter about certain situations. I was NOT in a good place. I was trying to find happiness in other places. I was trying to do everything in my own strength. 

I had become stagnant. I was no longer pursuing The Lord. I was just there. 

Holy Spirit is so good and reminded me that I had distanced myself. I was not in constant relationship with The Lord. I was meeting my daily quota of a bible verse but I was not truly spending time with God. 

When I am actively pursuing The Lord then all my relationships flow from that. 

I am never going to be perfect. I know that I need my Savior and His grace daily. And when I am spending time with Him I can receive that grace and glorify God. 

His grace is sufficient for me. 

It restores me. 

It revitalizes me. 

It refreshes me. 

Friends, if you have been struggling in any way... Know that I am praying for you! 

His grace is enough for you! 

Even if you noticed that you are in a similar place as me and you have become stagnant. 

In a place where you are just living from your own strength. You don't have to feel like this! Reach out to The Lord and allow His joy to cover you. 

Ssllllooowwwww down. 

Find the joy in the every day. 

Accept His grace. 

Feel His love for you! 

Fresh grace, new beginnings, and love. - Mrs. V

No more striving

Baby V, Mr. V, and I have been back in Missouri for a few days. I have already worked a couple of days and we are {slowly} getting back to a somewhat routine. 

Today we have been talking about dreams. Schools and dream jobs were discussed and I realized something. This IS my dream. 

Growing up I never had great plans of what I wanted to do or be. I didn't want to be president or a lawyer or veterinarian or teacher. When someone asked what I wanted to be when I "grew up" my response was the same: a mom and a wife. 

It's true! 

I briefly went to college (one year) as a music major.... But that was because I wanted to lead worship at a church! Once I figured out I didn't really need college to do that, I left. 

So according to my childhood self - I am living my dream! 

So why am I not happier? 

The answer to that question was just realized five minutes ago as I was putting my 9 month old to bed in his crib. 

I strive.  

And "fail". 

Then I don't feel good enough. 

Which makes me not want to try.

Ew... It feels yucky to say, but it's true! 

I strive. 

I put so much pressure on myself to be a certain way as a mother, a wife, and Godly woman. I can never reach this goal and then I just feel bad about myself! 

Then, eventually, I give up. 

And that, my friends, is what happened. 

My passion died. 

I was no longer EXCITED about this beautiful life I have. 

I was just going through the motions trying not to cry everyday for yet again not meeting the unattainable expectation as a mother and wife. 

So! Tomorrow is a new day! 

I will not allow the enemy to take what's mine - my passion, happiness, joy, faith, and trust! 

I know I will fail. I will make mistakes. I will be tired. I will argue with my husband and I will lose patience with my son. 

BUT I will live with grace. I will live intentionally. I will give God the glory and I will sing His praises! 

Lovelies, if you are in a similar place and striving - STOP! Whatever it is, just rest in God's goodness. Soak it in. Breathe in His presence and breathe out the unattainable expectations you or others put on you. 

You are enough! 

You are worthy!  

Jesus died on the cross for YOU! 

You don't have to earn it, it's Yours. 

You are loved! 

You are a beautiful mess, and it's ok! 

New joy, new mercy, and love. - Mrs. V

A choice

This... 

..... My marriage needed to hear this quote. 

Keep choosing! 

-Mrs V

From one mom to another

My handsome boy is 8 months old now. 

What an incredible, exhausting, and rewarding journey this has been so far. 

Being a mother is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life so far. 

Meeting my son's basic needs is not even the half of it. 

He is constantly changing and growing. Expanding and exploring. My child is experiencing and persevering. He is finding his limits and noticing his surroundings. What worked last month {to make him sleep, laugh, calm down, stay still, etc...) might not work now or next month. He is andventurerer. 

And somehow, I, as imperfect as I am, am supposed to help him, nurture him, protect him, and cultivate him. 

I am also learning and growing. Expanding and being stretched. Being Pushed to my limits and back again. Doing things I couldn't believe I could do. 

Like ....

Going without sleep. 

Putting his needs above my own. 

Feeling overwhelmed. 

Smiling at small moments. 

Wishing to pause time. 

And at some instances wishing to fast forward (teething, anyone?).

Before I was pregnant I imagined what kind of mother I would be. 

Gracious.

Patient.

Involved. 

I pictured how I would react and how I would raise this little prince. 

I took all those expectations... And threw them out the window! Very early on in my son's life I was being choked by this perception of what motherhood is. 

Now... My prayer daily is that I would parent my amazing son in a way that gives God glory. And I thank Him for new grace. New joy. Every single morning. 

And at times I fail. Sometimes I cry. Certain days I have no idea what I'm doing! Sometimes I fall short. And I know I will again. 

But this is motherhood. 

The small moments. The giggles. The obstacles. The tantrums. The smiles. The moments between NapTime and play time. The new accomplishments and the mundane daily activities. 

We are all growing and learning, mamas. 

So have grace for yourself, sweet friends.

Bath times, teething toys, and love. - Monica

 

Even when it's hard....

We have been in Missouri for an entire month now and I will be honest - 

I am not too sure about how I feel. 

I feel homesick for California more then I have ever before. 

I feel discouraged that I have not found a job yet. 

I feel overwhelmed and confused. 

I feel frustrated and anxious. 

When my feelings get so polluted and confusing I have to run to The Lord. 

Friends, I am being honest -- if I had money I would joyfully go back to my beloved town in California. I would start attending my old church with a newfound appreciation. I would savor every restaurant, every coffee shop, every smell, every moment. I would hug my family and friends a little longer. I would enjoy the weather and happily go to work daily. I miss it more then I thought I would. And I haven't lived there in two years! 

But moving back to California is not an option and I have to trust God during this time. I don't know why I am here and I have to fight back the bitterness of living in yet another new state. 

BUT in the midst of all these feelings... I will trust God. 

Father, help me. Help me too see the reason why I am here. I never want to lose my joy in any season. As a new mom I am trying to learn a new way to live my life and I thank you for that. I thank you and praise you for my son. There is so much newness in my life right now and I pray that I will trust you during this time... Even when it's hard. Thank you for listening to my prayers and heart's cry - even when it's repetitive. Amen. 

New states, acclimating to a new call, and love. -Monica 

Yielding in faith

Well we made it to Missouri and we are starting to settle in to our new home sweet home! 

The trip was great! My sweet baby boy and puppy traveled beautifully and both slept majority of the time. Praise The Lord! 

Now I have a few moments to write a little post! 

So far my life has looked like this:

So many boxes!!!! 

We are chipping away slowly but surely {ok... I am doing more snuggling the baby then unpacking}. 

We had our first church service this morning and I am overjoyed!!!! 

My mother-in-love thought that service started at 10:00, so when we got there at 9:56 we were very happy to find out church actually started at 10:30! We will probably have to trick ourselves again next week to get there on time. {anyone else like this?} 

We absolutely ADORED the service and really felt welcomed. I feel at complete peace now. 

I was scared in the beginning and during the moving process, I didn't see how this was a good thing.... But God is always faithful. I keep learning this over and over and over again. He is faithful.... And I desire to be in His will. Even when it's uncomfortable. Even when it's hard. Even when it's an inconvenience. Even when I don't understand. Even when I am unsure. I still desire to stay where God wants me and leave when He says to. I am learning this in a new way. And at church The Lord just reconfirmed it. 

Is The Lord showing you anything lately? Anyone else learning this kind of trust? 

Yielding and love - Monica

{it took me three tries and two days to write this! Hehe goodness life has changed!} 

Life with a newborn {honesty}

It has been 23 days since my son was born. 

I have been learning what it means to be a mother and trying my best to enjoy this experience. 

But since this is my blog and I want to always be honest and open on here... Here is the truth.

It's been hard. 

Starting from the moment he was born - there was a sense of disconnection. 

After all, I was still in surgery when he was born and my husband got to hold him and bond with him first. 

My epidural made me very very shaky and the anesthesiologist gave me "something to help me relax". Although I was so glad to not be shaking anymore, I felt disconnected to him in the recovery room. 

The next few days in the hospital I was healing and in a lot of pain and was on medication that continued that separated feeling. 

I was also sent home with that medicine {and to be honest, I needed it! I was in so so much pain and could barely do anything.}. 

After a few days I decided to stop taking a certain pain reliever because I didn't like how I was feeling while taking it. {I was still taking a non-narcotic pain medication}

I was a new mom and I would look at this beautiful baby boy but I didn't feel bonded. 

I didn't feel that mushy, gushy love that I thought I was supposed to be feeling during those first weeks.

So then I felt guilty. And shameful. 

I loved this baby boy.... But it wasn't this over the moon feeling. I was feeling more tired then anything. 

Lack of sleep, anxiety, fear, and guilt, consumed me. 

There were a few days that I just couldn't help but cry. 

Through time, naps, and lots of prayer I started to feel better. 

And now three weeks after his arrival I am feeling connected and bonded to this beautiful little guy that The Lord has given us. 

The first few weeks of a newborn are very tiring and trying. There are extreme highs and lows. Sometimes you do feel that picture perfect mushy love..... But other times you don't and that's ok. 

{if the negative feeling lasts more then a few weeks or if you have thoughts of harming you or your child, it's extremely important to tell your doctor since that could be signs of post pardom depression.}

I believe There is a special grace that The Lord gives to moms of newborns. Because I cannot do this on my own. I need the strength and joy of The Lord. 

To all you new, experienced, and soon-to-be moms -- I am praying for a fresh grace to enjoy every moment of your new born. Wish I could send you all hugs {and coffee}. 

Accepting our emotions and love - Monica

Thoughts on forgiveness

It's been way to long lovelies!!! 

The past few weeks have been filled with daily cleaning, snuggles with my pup, loving time with my Husby, and even more revelation from The Lord. 

Recently a good friend of mine forgave someone in their life for years and years of past hurt {like 20 or more years}. 

My friend's complete selflessness and understanding made me take a long look at my own unforgiveness in my life. 

I realized.....

.... I don't forgive well.

I hold on to the hurt as some strange way to protect myself. I distance myself so far from the person that I need to forgive -- even with people I shouldn't distance myself from. I justify my behavior because so-and-so did such-and-such so I don't have to forgive them. But the Bible says to forgive so that we can be forgiven {Luke 6:37} and that we need to forgive 70x7 times {Matthew 18:22}.... Although I know sometimes it feels like for some people we have almost forgiven that many times (kidding).  The Bible even says that we should PRAY and LOVE our enemies {Matthew 5:44-45}. That's a little hard to do when we have unforgiveness in our hearts. 

I was dealing with some unforgiveness recently that was just eating away at my heart. It was hard to focus. My heart felt broken. And.... I was angry. But after weeks of feeling this way I realized that this was just hurting me. So I started to ask The Lord to help me forgive and to see this person through God's eyes. 

Forgiving this person does not say that what they did was ok. Forgiveness says  that they hurt me deeply but I am CHOOSING to release that hurt. This person and I are restoring our relationship and working on trust -- and it's a great thing. 

We are all human. We make mistakes. People let us down. Forgiveness is something that is needed in all relationships and I pray that I can continue to grow in this area. 

I think that there is no magical number in how long it should take to forgive someone. Forgiveness is so personal. Also in some cases we need to move that person further away from our hearts... And I believe that is ok. Forgiveness is not is not for the person who hurt us - its for us. 

So those are some thoughts I have been having for the past few weeks. 

Praying for every single one of you and that a fresh encounter with The Lord will be experienced this next week! And if any of you need to forgive someone {even if its yourself} I pray that you can take that step and just release that person. 

Forgiveness and love. - Monica 

Things I have learned since being a wife.

Hello lovelies! 

I feel like I have been sooo busy but if you asked me what I have done - I couldn't answer. Hehe. 

I have been doing a lot of cleaning and preparing for baby V, since he will be here in about two months! {eee!} 

Also I have been doing a lot a lot of thinking. God is showing me so much about myself, my marriage, and my life. It's amazing - but sometimes tough. 

I wanted to tell you all a little bit of what I have learned in the past {almost} two years of being married. 

• Just because you and your spouse fight doesn't mean you aren't meant to be.  

      I always thought that if you married the person you were supposed to be with then you would never fight. You wouldn't argue. You wouldn't really disagree. I don't really know where I got this idea but it was hard on us in the beginning. I felt if we got into a disagreement that we weren't meant to be. Now that I am freed from this our marriage is happier. Yes, we argue from time to time but he is my prince! 

• Two people will not drink a gallon of milk. 

     Check the dates at the store and get the furthest date available. I learned this in the beginning and yet I STILL throw out milk from time to time. 

• Communication is speaking and listening. 

     I always knew that "communication is key" in marriage ... But the longer I am married I am realizing what communication really is. We have to speak in a respectful and loving way -- but we also have listen without taking offense. We sometimes have to "read between the lines". I will say something to my husband but mean something totally different because I am talking through fear, insecurity, frustration, and/or disrespect. When that happens our spouse (or we) have to learn to listen a more carefully to their heart. {my husband is great at this!} 

• Insecurities will arise in marriage and its best to deal with it then ignore it. 

     A lot of insecurities in me have been brought up to the surface since becoming a wife. Things that I thought I dealt with when I was younger come up again. If I allow it -- it can really affect us and our marriage. Things from body image to issues with alcohol to fear. We have to deal with the insecurities when they come up.... And communicate and listen. 

- . - . - . - 

Those are some of the things I have learned so far that The Lord is reminding me now {well maybe not the milk one... I just thought of it because I have a half gallon of expired milk in the fridge}.

So what have you learned since being married or in a relationship? 

What have you learned with being single? 

Never stop growing and love. - Monica 

{leaving you with a wedding photo because I love to look back on this day.}

Bumpdate {26 weeks} and sharing my heart

Happy Wednesday!!!

I have been having such a sweet sweet time with The Lord lately.
I have been reading the SheReadsTruth devotional and participating in the Overcome The Lie challenge and its been really changing me!

I have noticed some things in me that needed to change and I am just so joyful.
Since moving here to Alabama {and probably even before} I have been putting a lot of unnecessary pressure on my husband for my spiritual walk with The Lord. I was, in a way, putting my husband as Jesus. I would run to husby instead of crying out to God. And since I put so much pressure on him -- when husby would struggle then I would struggle.

Now, I believe with my whole heart that the husband is called to be the spiritual leader..... But not the spiritual source! We, as wives and women of God, need to rely on The Lord. He is our one true source. HE is our savior. I am changing my heart in that area and running to God.

So that's a little bit of my heart.

Now for a bumpdate -


How Far along: 26w5d (yesterday) almost the third trimester!

Size Of Baby: baby v was over 2 pounds at our appointment last week. My baby app says he is the size of a cucumber (15 inches).

Maternity Clothes: husby bought me two more summer dresses!
None of my clothes are "maternity" clothes.... But just breathable and flexible clothes that I wear with a belt to show off the bump.

Stretch Marks: oh ya!!!!! Tons and tons!

Weight Gain: I actually didn't weigh myself this week but my guess would be.... 18 pounds.

Sleep: last night was bad! I didn't sleep at all and was to hungry to fall back asleep this morning. I am thinking of coming up with a evening routine to prepare my body for sleep.

Best Moment of the Week: husby feeling baby v kick!!! It still puts a smile on my face when I think about it.

Movement: lots and lots! It's such a joy to feel him.

Cravings: crepes!! Mmm! I finally made some last weekend.

Gender: all boy

Belly Button In or Out: in between... But on its way out lol

Wedding Ring on or Off: still not wearing it unless I go out.

Anything Making You Queasy or Sick: not a thing

What I Miss: sleeping on my back. Some nights I just want to sleep on my back but once I do, I feel like I am getting crushed by baby lol.

What I am Looking Forward to: I think we are going to paint the nursery this weekend and set up the crib!!!!

Nursery: blue and brown all the way!!! And I bought some wooden letters to spell out his name. Still trying to come up with more creative ideas.

Emotions: this week I have just been falling so in love with this baby boy! I am just so so excited! It's getting a little scary because time is just going by so so fast! But I am still so excited to see my little guy!

What baby is up to: baby v is opening and closing his eyes! He also gets hiccups and I can feel them! His immune system is rapidly developing too! He is our little world changer!!!

Baby bumps and love. - Monica

Positivity

Hi lovelies!

I received an email from a friend last night asking for some advice and prayer.
I was happy to pray for her because I want to always be an encourager and point everyone in my life to Christ.

My friend mentioned to me that on my blog it seems like I "have it all together."


This really got me thinking because I don't want ANYONE leaving my blog thinking that I don't struggle or that everything in my life is where it should be.
I don't write about my issues, insecurities, arguments with husby, or other negative things for privacy of my family and because I want to focus on the good and not the bad. I would rather share positivity then to give negativity.
Lovelies, I never want ANY of you to leave my blog feeling upset, jealous, or more depressed.
I want you to leave feeling encouraged, awakened, inspired, and loved!

I know lately my blog has been filled with baby updates and less about what is going on in my heart and {here is some honesty} it's because I am struggling currently. I am needing some breakthrough in my heart that I know will come.
Please know that I do NOT have it all together - far from it! Ha.

Husby and I argue like every other couple. Sometimes I say things I don't mean and often have to repent to him.
Occasionally we struggle financially - but God still provides our every need in one way or another!
With my growing and changing body I often struggle with my appearance.
And yes, sometimes I feel far from God's voice.

I know that we can go to someone's blog and think, "gosh, their lives are so perfect! They have x,y,z and I don't."
But remember, lovelies, we don't see every aspect of their lives.
- . - . -
I have made it a point in my social media life {and real life too} to not be negative about ANYTHING.
When Husby and I argue I don't run to Facebook or twitter to "vent".
I don't complain about my life or my pregnancy on here or anywhere else.
I try my best to ALWAYS see the beauty in life and reveal the goodness to the world.

That doesn't mean I don't have moments where I am so mad at my husband that I could bad mouth him, or so frustrated with my stretch marks that I could cry -- it just means that I don't focus on that and i don't bring everyone else into the discussion.

My husband and I always work it out. I work through my insecurities and frustrations. And what I have left behind in this social media world was happiness and positivity.

I know, for me, when someone is joyful it makes me feel joyful. But when someone is negative then I start to feel that way too. My hope is that when people encounter me {in real life, on social media, and on my blog} that they would feel the joy I have in my heart because of Jesus. That's the legacy I hope to leave behind. I am not perfect in this but I will not give up.

So, friends, if you are struggling - know that you are not alone! I am praying for you and with you! Don't envy someone else's life and take joy in the life you are given! Your breakthrough is coming because our God ALWAYS fulfills His promises! You are blessed because you have Jesus and His grace, mercy, and joy are new every morning!

Positivity and love. - Monica

New Refreshing Season

Easter is just around the corner, lovelies!

The betrayal.
The beating.
The cross.
And the beautiful resurrection.

It is a new season!

A time to reflect on our lives and then push toward that redeeming love.

Christ died a painful death for our sins, friends! I do not need to sit in my shame, be afraid of the future, or allow the devil to have power over my thoughts. I am victorious because Christ rose from the dead to give me life!

Lately, I have been feeling this sense of refreshing. With spring here and this glorious holiday my spirit is just dancing in joy. The rain is gone and has washed away anything that doesn't need to be in my life. Refreshing winds have blown and have given me a new perspective.
Today is a new day! Full of grace, joy, and love from God.

Lovelies, I am praying for all you especially during this season. I pray that the true meaning of Easter will impact you in a way that it never has before.

You are set free! Your sins are forgiven and you get to walk in new life.

Easter rambling and love. - Monica

Outside of time

Is anyone else in complete shock of how quickly this year is going by?
I mean... MARCH! Already?

Yesterday at church we were talking about time and how Jesus doesn't live in time.
My brain still can't fully comprehend it.

"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things were made through Him, and without Him nothing was made that was made." (John 1:1-3 NKJV)

In those verses there is a lot of "beginning".... But they live outside of time.... So they (God, Jesus, and Holy Spirit) were always there! Whoa! God made everything. He was always there and always will be.

"And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we beheld His glory, the glory as of the only begotten of the Father, full of grace and truth." (John 1:14 NKJV)

Then Jesus became man (so He can fully relate to us) and we experienced His wonderful glory!

So, He was always there and can relate to us on a personal level.
How amazing is that?!

That impacted me so so much! We are consumed with time - so many hours left in the day, counting down until the weekend, and months until something happens. It's hard for me to understand that our God lives outside of that! :)

Remember, friends, that He is always around and can relate FULLY to you!

Time and love - Monica

Reading Psalms

I have a confession -

I have a hard time reading my Bible everyday. I DESIRE to but I seem to always find an excuse to do something else instead. I need to clean or run errands or even watch a TV show. These things are not more important then my relationship with The Lord and yet I still don't take the time out read His Word daily. I know that when I get up and take that time to spend with The Lord, all my relationships seem to benefit.
I have more joy.
More patience.
More peace.

Lately the Holy Spirit has been convicting me to take that time to spend with God. The other weekend my husby and I went to a coffee shop and read together. I LOVED it so much! But I know I need to do it for myself as well.

So........ Baby v is expected to come in 163 days, so I thought it would be fun to read through Psalms during this time (there are 150 Psalms but I know some of those days husby and I will read our devotional too).
I want this to become a second nature. Something so natural that I don't even think about it -- I grab my bible and a warm drink and spend some quality time with The Lord.

I am very excited to see my life change by doing this!

Psalms and love - Monica

My vision

The Lord has been working on my heart a lot since we found out I was pregnant.

My desire for Him has grown leaps and bounds.

What kind of mother will I be?
Will I be capable of portraying the love of God correctly?
How am I going to shape and mold this life that God has given me?

These and many more questions have flooded my mind since I saw those two pink lines.

New Year's Day especially I thought about my life. New Years always makes me reflect on the previous year and look forward with much anticipation to the upcoming year.

This is my heart... That I didn't know I could put into words until it was pouring out of me early New Years morning to my loving husband.

I desire to know The Lord.. To TRULY know The Lord. I want to be considered "different" and "set apart". I believe with my whole heart that I am CALLED to be set apart. I know I put pressure on myself to live a certain way but I feel that I have been given this beautiful gift of life because Jesus died on the cross for ME. I want to LIVE for Him. I cannot do things that would prohibit me from speaking the gospel at any given moment. If someone was to call me or text me {at any time} needing prayer or had a question about The Lord I want to be able to share with them. I want to ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS listen to the Holy Spirit and be in a position to spread that same love I have found.

So this is my vision. This is my focus. I don't feel scared anymore on what kind of mother I will be because I trust that I will be lead by Holy Spirit in raising all of my children and being an example to them and my husband.

O Holy Night.

My mind has been in 100 different places the past two weeks.

God has been speaking to my heart and I have been absolutely stunned by the tragedy in CT.
I have been trying to gather my thoughts to put something on this blog but nothing could come out. I needed to just sit and be quiet for awhile. But I have missed you all!
-.-.-.-
Christmas is only a few sleeps away and I have been so impacted by the meaning of Christmas. I have been following through with the  #shereadstruth advent study and my pastor also has been doing a series on Advent (which means "coming".)

I am overjoyed to spend another Christmas with my amazing husband and celebrate the unbelievable birth of our Savior.

I leave you with the lyrics to my FAVORITE Christmas carol. I LOVE 'O Holy Night' because of the beautiful story it tells. The lyrics are so powerful!
Read the words and open your heart to the meaning. (:

What's your favorite Christmas carol?
-.-.-.-
'O Holy Night! The stars are brightly shining, It is the night of the dear Saviour's birth. Long lay the world in sin and error pining. Till He appeared and the Spirit felt its worth. A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices, For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn. Fall on your knees! Oh, hear the angel voices! O night divine, the night when Christ was born; O night, O Holy Night , O night divine! O night, O Holy Night , O night divine!

Truly He taught us to love one another, His law is love and His gospel is peace. Chains he shall break, for the slave is our brother. And in his name all oppression shall cease. Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we, With all our hearts we praise His holy name. Christ is the Lord! Praise His name forever. His power and glory ever more proclaim! His power and glory ever more proclaim!'

A thrill of hope and love. - Monica

choosing joy

via pinterest

I love this simple quote.
 
Sometimes we really need to SAY this out loud in order to follow through with it.

With everything that can be going on around you.. it can be really hard to see the happiness. Personal issues. Relationship problems. Family drama. Media! (I mean watching the news is filled with negativity... Chic-fil-A anyone?) Its easy to lose that joy and turn your focus on the craziness around you.

We can be affected by all those bad thoughts and it can ruin our mood. We tend to take it out on others and then the joy is no where to be found.

"You will show me the path of life;
In Your presence is fullness of joy;
At Your right hand are pleasures forevermore."

Psalm 16:11 (NKJV)

  The Word tells us that joy is found in the presence of the Lord. Not just joy.. but FULLNESS of joy. Fullness means 'completely filled, containing all that can be held' [reference].

When we lose that joy, we can turn to the Lord's presence and be filled again. 

The alarm that goes off at 4:45 in the am for my husband says "choose joy today." We have to make that choice. We have to actively CHOOSE to look at life with joy and get that joy from the presence of the Lord. 

Life is not always smiles and rainbows... bad things happen. Precious babies go home to the Lord earlier then expected. Someone  takes another person's life. Natural disasters. Recession. Confusion. Frustration. Anger. Sadness. These things happen. They are inevitable in life. At times we have to dig a little bit deeper to find that joy. 

But lets choose joy. Lets spread joy. Even in the worst circumstances lets go to the presence of the Lord and get filled with the joy.  

choosing joy and love. - Mrs. V

♥ . ♥ . ♥ 

Also make sure to check out my new facebook page. (:

Fighting Insecurity

insecurity: (n)  Lack of confidence or assurance; self-doubt.

I loathe insecurity. I don't like it in myself and it saddens my heart to see it in other people.

I think there are differnt forms of insecurity... but ( I think ) everyone battles them from time to time. There is the insecurity of our looks, our personality, and our abilities. It all comes down to our worth.

Yesterday I was experiencing that self-doubt. I had crazy thoughts going through my head about how I am not accomplished enough, not pretty enough, not thin enough, not Godly enough and I am too emotional, too plain, too boring. So I was feeling not enough and too much at the same time! Wow was I in an unhealthy rollercoaster of emotions.

I kept taking it steps further thinking how my husband would be better off if he had never married me... or married someone else...bla bla bla.

Now, I don't want to write this for anyone to assure me... or feel sorry for me.. or anything like that. I wanted to write this to be REAL.  So if you are feeling anything similar to how I was feeling, you can relate to me and know that you are not alone.

I have had my ups and downs with insecurity. Sometimes when I feel like I have won the battle... another comes along. It is a daily struggle. So DAILY I must choose to come into agreement with what the Lord speaks over me.

Of course the enemy LLOOVEES when we doubt or question ourselves. He takes sheer delight when we go against what the Lord has said to us.
He wants us to feel not good enough, ugly, broken, small, ashamed, confused, too much to deal with, not talented, unaccomplished, and unloved. If he can get us to feel soo terrible about ourselves -- then he is winning. He comes to steal, kill, and destroy. [ John 10:10 ]
He will speak complete lies to you! And THOSE ARE LIES!

Here are some truths--

- You are all together beautiful  [ Song of Solomon 4:7 ]
- God created you and you are fearfully and wonderfully made. [ Psalm 139:13-14 ]
- God thinks you have an unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit. [ 1 Peter 3:3-4 ] 
-  God has great plans for your future filled with hope. [ Jeremiah 29:11 ]
- You can be strong and courageous because the Lord is with you. [ Joshua 1:9 ]
- You have more value then you can imagine. [ Luke 12:7 ]
- Charm and outward beauty will fade over time.. but a woman who fears the Lord should be praised. [ Proverbs 31:30 ]
- God is with you always. He is proud of you and will rejoice over you. He will quiet you with His love and exult over you with singing. [ Zephaniah 3:17 ]

Those are only a FEW of the many many things that the Lord thinks about you. Read them. Memorize them. Put them over our house. On your phone. In your car. Places that you can see them daily and be reminded. Surround yourself with these things - it helps.

When Martin and I were doing long distance I heard one of my pastors say "You are beautiful. You deserve to be pursued. You deserve to be adored." I loved it... so I typed it up and put it on my front seat visor of my car.
I also put the name 'Hephzibah'. Hephzibah is Hebrew for 'My delight is in her'... which is what God called His people in Isaiah 62:4. I wanted to ALWAYS be reminded of this truth.
The other thing I have in my car is a promise from the Lord... which was so appropriate in my time of being away from Martin.
'For the Lord God is a sun and a shield; the Lord will give grace and glory; no good thing will he withhold from those who walk uprightly'. - Psalm 84:11
All three of these are STILL in my car.

When I was at my lowest point and I was really re-building my relationship with the Lord after I fell away, I would put alarms or reminders on my phone to go off every 30-45 minutes that said things like "You are beautiful., You are worthy. You are loved. God is proud of you. You are lovely. You have a destiny."
Now.. for me at the time... I needed the reminders THAT often... but for you.. it may just be once or twice a day. But DO IT!

When self-doubt creeps in about the way that I look now I can remember Proverbs 31:30 that says that beauty is FLEETING. Now, we still need to be healthy.. so eating right (or at least... better lol) and exercising (even if it is chasing 2-yr olds or purposefully parking farther way from the store to walk) are important... but don't STRIVE. Don't create an unhealthy relationship with food. Don't beat yourself up because you don't look like a model -- or even like Susy down the street.
Once I keep in mind that beauty is fleeting (Proverbs 31:30) and that God says that I have an unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit ( 1 Peter 3:3-4) then I can accept the fact that I will never be a size 5 or have a larger chest. I am STILL beautiful!

You are powerful! Look at yourself like this kitten.

Lord, thank you for every single person that is reading this blog right now. God, I pray that you would touch them. Show them their worth. Remind them of the beauty that they posses that is more then hairstyles and jewelry. Thank you that you made all of us unique. That you created us in our mother's womb to be EXACTLY the way that we are. I praise you that every person has a divine future filled with hope and love. Help them to see that, God. I pray that if anyone is dealing with insecurity that they would rebuke that lie and hold tight to YOUR truth about themselves. You created all of us in YOUR image. You are the artist. Jesus is the model. We are the masterpiece. Help us to keep that in mind. Lord, we are sorry for speaking ill of ourselves. For speaking badly of how we look or how we are. We love you so much Lord. We praise Your holy name! We invite you to touch our lives and we submit to Your will. Thank you that YOU take delight in US. 

In Jesus Name. - Amen. 

I hope you all have a lovely day and weekend! 

seeing the lion in the mirror and love. - Monica

♥ . ♥ . ♥ 

Father of Lights

Martin and I had such a wonderful weekend together.

We watched shows, ate delicious food, and watched our California church from our Alabama living room (Soo thankful for live streaming).

Last night our church did a premiere of the Darren Wilson documentary 'Father of Lights'. Darren Wilson is the producer of Wanderlust Productions. He is an amazing and extremely talented man of God. He has also made the film 'Finger of God' documenting God's miraculous power all across the world and the 'sequel' 'Furious Love' about the extreme love of God. This third film 'Father of Lights' is all about Father God and how he is the light in dark places.  

It was so incredibly impacting! The movie is not set to release until October 2012 but we got blessed to watch it before. Our church is playing it live for 2 more days on ibethel.tv so if you want to.. check it out.

We are called to be light in dark places. We, as Christians, need to show the love of the Father to all people that we come into contact with. We need to have a life-changing encounter with Father God.

Father, I pray for everyone reading this right now. I pray for a true encounter with their heavenly Father. I pray that you would touch any past hurt from their earthly father that would distort their vision of You, God. Lord, touch any area where the church has told them that you are angry or scary or just want to smite them. God, you are so good and love Your children. You adore each and every one of them and You just want to love on them. Lord, I pray that they can accept that free love that you want to shower upon them. God, I just pray for fresh encounters of the Father's love. I pray that every person will discover a deep passion inside of them to be a light. Lord, we are the light. Help us to see opportunities to be that light. 

In Jesus Name, Amen

light in the darkness, and love. - Monica

♥ . ♥ . ♥ . 

50 Shades & Magic Mike

 I recently came across a link on my Facebook to a blog talking about the book 50 Shades of Grey  and the movie 'Magic Mike'.
If you do not know what they are -  'Magic Mike' is a new movie in theaters about male strippers and 50 Shades of Grey is the first installment of a trilogy of erotic novels.

It seems that so many women are talking about how "good" these are. I have no desire to watch or read them. 

If you have not yet read the blog (50 Shades of Magic Mike by MelissaJenna) please do so.
She writes it so raw and so real.. and SOO truthful. 

I think that it is so important, as Christian woman, to be a standard and to not go along with what everyone else is doing and what is popular. We need to guard our eyes since they are the window to the soul.

I always tell my husband that people know I am married not by the ring on my finger but by the way I am. I made it a priority in my marriage to continue purity. To stay pure to my husband and to my Lord. And that is including the things that I watch or put into my mind.
I am a Christian wife and I want others to see that about me when they first come into contact with me. Not to build up myself but to give glory and honor to the Lord.

I am completely 100% faithful to my husband with every single part of me. I cherish my relationship with my husband and God. I believe that it is worth fighting for.

What do you guys think?

Lord, I pray for every person reading this blog right now. I pray that you would speak to their hearts and comfort them. I pray protection over all the husbands and wives (and future husbands and wives). Jesus, give them a fresh touch and help them to guard their hearts. 

I declare a new standard of purity in the lives of Your people. Father, give us clean hands and pure hearts. Not because we are better but because we are Yours. Lord I pray for a "honeymoon" feeling for everyone reading this prayer right now. That they would fall even deeper in love with their spouse and most importantly with their first love - You.  I honor You today God and I thank you for marriages. For that beautiful union. In Jesus Name. - Amen

setting a new standard and love, Monica
♥ . ♥ . ♥