my short marriage realization

Because sometimes marriage is hard. 

And messy.

Sometimes we forgive more then we laugh. 

Because there are days where we want to run away. 

Because there are moments where I need a lot of grace, and I need to extend the same amount. 

Sometimes I need to be reminded that my spouse is not perfect.... And neither am I. 

There are times in marriage where frustration takes over and communication is lacking. 

And in these moments is when I am reminded how badly we need Christ at the center. Forever. 

something I am learning and love. - Mrs V

Conflict Resolution

Well my computer is still at the doctor (boo) so here i am blogging from the smart cellular. Hehe.

This weekend husby and i went on some fun dates! We went to the local high school football game on Friday. We went to lunch at a nice little restaurant, saw Taken 2, and went to a new church/worship service on Saturday. On Sunday we went to our church and then lunch at one of our favorite places.
It was a really great weekend.

But it had the potential to be a not so great weekend. On Friday night after the game my prince and i got into (dun dun dun) an argument.

I know what you are thinking, "but Monica, you are married which means you never fight. You are a Christian wife and have a Christian husband, what is happening?
i thought your marriage was perfect because of all the stuff you post on twitter and instagram (Mrs_v820).
I am baffled! How could you have argued?"

Ok, hopefully you don't think like that... But i would be lying if i said that I didn't kinda think that way when i was single.

I want to be real on my blog. I don't want to paint this picture of the perfect marriage that is unattainable.
My husband and i are two months into our second year of marriage and we are still learning! We get into arguments. We disagree sometimes. Occasionally we hurt the other persons feelings. We forgive. We apologize. We forgive. We apologize. We forgive again.

So.... conflict can come from anywhere. Insecurity. Past hurts (caused by the person or other people). Misunderstanding.  Not communicating at all. Frustrations. Fear. Confusion. And the list can go on and on.
We, as individuals, need to deal with things like past hurt, fear, insecurities, learning to communicate effectively, etc. But let's pretend (well... Its not really pretending for me) that we haven't dealt with every single issue yet... And a conflict has happened.
This isn't an issue at our house but for the sake of conflict resolution we will use this small example.

Your husband left the toilet seat up!!! Oh great! Out of your anger and frustration you confront your husband who has just got home from work. Out of his defensiveness and tiredness the conflict emerges.
Here are some things i have learned..... Uh.... things i am learning about conflict resolution.

1) talk calmly. Even if the other person confronts you with loudness and harsh words. Usually if you can keep your cool the other person will calm themselves down too.
2) use your best communication skills. Let the other person know that you HEAR them.
3) do not try to "win" the argument. You guys are a TEAM! the goal is to get to an understanding ... Not to win or hurt the other person more.
4) don't play the blame game (this is YOUR fault. You always do this. I get,mad because of YOU!). this is also a game with no winners.
Use phrases like "when you do this... It makes me feel...." That way your spouse knows that its not HIM and you can effectively express how you feel without being offensive (when you leave the toilet seat up it makes me feel disrespected. When you yell and scrream at me it makes me feel attacked.
When you don't call me when you leave the store it makes me feel worried. When you don't want to hold my hand it makes me feel unloved." )
5) never bring up past things that you have already forgiven him for (this is just like last Friday when you left the seat up!)
6) let them know again that you truly hear them by talking about what has been said when you apologize and agree to work on what caused the conflict. (ok sweetheart i never want you to feel disrespected. So will try my best to remember to put the toilet seat down and i am very sorry.)
7) in a conflict it is good for both of you to apologize and forgive and agree to change. (i am sorry too. I don't ever want you to feel attacked so i will work on how i approach you)
8) it is never to late to humble yourself and apologize. Even if you feel the conflict has been resolved still apologize!,still forgive. It helps your marriage so so much.

Also remember that you married an imperfect person and you as well are imperfect. Jesus is the only perfect one. When we remind ourselves that our spouse is not perfect we can start to forgive more frequently... Because we also need that constant forgiveness.

Like i have always said make sure you are responding in love and not reacting in anger.

Husby and i are still learning. Still growing. Still experiencing and making mistakes. But we do it together.

{Ephesians 4:26 NKJV}
“Be angry, and do not sin” : do not let the sun go down on your wrath,

Resolving conflict and love. - Monica

Worth it

This quote has been on my heart the past few weeks.

Marriage is tough.

Martin and i have been married a little over a year. There have been laughter.... And tears. Ups.... And downs. Giggles... as well as shouts. I would be completely lying if i said it was easy 100% of the time.

I have learned a new level of patience. Grace. Frustration. and love.
We had to learn how to live together and to trust each other in a new way.

Martin and i are different people who grew up in different ways but we have to mesh that together. We have to mold together to become one.

Its challenging but sooooo worth it. Marriage is worth every fight because it is a blessed union by God.

Marriage is a union of two forgivers.

Those are just some of my thoughts this morning. (:

Happy Monday!

Things I have learned from being a wife

I have been a wife for almost a year and a stay-at-home-wife for about 4 months now.

Here are some things I have learned along the way -


* Floors (especially bathroom floors) can NEVER EVER get completely clean. Once you think you have wiped and swept and mopped everything up... you will see a hair. Then you will go to clean that hair and you find some dirt. When you wipe up the dirt you noticed little fuzzies from the washcloth.

* Hot water is not the best way to clean up cheese from the sink -- it will melt and make it harder for you.

* Grab the milk from the WAY back at the store... the date will be further out. Because if it is just the two of you... you will probably not drink a gallon of milk before it expires.

* Unless you do portion control while cooking dinner every single night, you will have to throw away leftovers too (just threw away an entire container of chicken alfredo =[  )

* Heating up oil in a pan is like an art form. If it gets to hot it will not only pop and burn you ( I have a lovely little scar from making hamburgers two weeks ago) but it will cook the outside crispy-burn and not cook the inside (like my very sad donuts this morning).

* Sometimes a husband just needs an encouraging word to make his day better..... or a back rub. Either one.

* Paper towels and dish-washing gloves can be life savers.

*  Pack lunches and set up coffee the night before, you will be happy in the morning that you did. If you still want to get up early with him then you have time to make breakfast (or at least see him off to work with a cup of coffee).

* Men like to relax and unwind in different ways. Although really loud video games might make you feel anxious and annoyed... that is how he likes relax -- its best to let him have his time.

* DATE NIGHTS ARE IMPORTANT Even if you always have dinner at home together and watch shows together at night -- take some time that is an actual date. If you don't have a lot of money then rent a red box (or two!) and have a night in. Take a walk. A picnic at the park.
It is so so important to take time out and invest in the marriage. Don't talk about bills or chores and just enjoy one another.

* Forgive. We are not perfect people (and we did not marry perfect people) and we can say or do things that hurt the other person. So remember to forgive and ask for forgiveness. Talk things out and communicate. Respond in love instead of react in anger.
Remind yourself of  the vows you spoke on your wedding day and keep them in your heart.

* Never stop praying for your spouse. I started praying for my "future husband" at a young age and was confident that God knew who he was and that my prayers were heard. I have to continue to pray for my husband and to be on his side at all times.

- . - . -
I have learned so much from being a wife and I keep learning too! This has been such a wonderful journey and I can't believe that we have already been united for almost a year!

saying our vows 8.20.11

 
What have you learned in the past year?

lessons and love, Mrs. V
♥ . ♥ . ♥
Also make sure to check out my new facebook page. (:

50 Shades & Magic Mike

 I recently came across a link on my Facebook to a blog talking about the book 50 Shades of Grey  and the movie 'Magic Mike'.
If you do not know what they are -  'Magic Mike' is a new movie in theaters about male strippers and 50 Shades of Grey is the first installment of a trilogy of erotic novels.

It seems that so many women are talking about how "good" these are. I have no desire to watch or read them. 

If you have not yet read the blog (50 Shades of Magic Mike by MelissaJenna) please do so.
She writes it so raw and so real.. and SOO truthful. 

I think that it is so important, as Christian woman, to be a standard and to not go along with what everyone else is doing and what is popular. We need to guard our eyes since they are the window to the soul.

I always tell my husband that people know I am married not by the ring on my finger but by the way I am. I made it a priority in my marriage to continue purity. To stay pure to my husband and to my Lord. And that is including the things that I watch or put into my mind.
I am a Christian wife and I want others to see that about me when they first come into contact with me. Not to build up myself but to give glory and honor to the Lord.

I am completely 100% faithful to my husband with every single part of me. I cherish my relationship with my husband and God. I believe that it is worth fighting for.

What do you guys think?

Lord, I pray for every person reading this blog right now. I pray that you would speak to their hearts and comfort them. I pray protection over all the husbands and wives (and future husbands and wives). Jesus, give them a fresh touch and help them to guard their hearts. 

I declare a new standard of purity in the lives of Your people. Father, give us clean hands and pure hearts. Not because we are better but because we are Yours. Lord I pray for a "honeymoon" feeling for everyone reading this prayer right now. That they would fall even deeper in love with their spouse and most importantly with their first love - You.  I honor You today God and I thank you for marriages. For that beautiful union. In Jesus Name. - Amen

setting a new standard and love, Monica
♥ . ♥ . ♥

Celebrating 10 months

Martin and I have officially been married for 10 whole months!

We went out on a romantic date last night celebrating. hehe.

He called from work yesterday and said "be ready by 7pm - I am taking you out."
Oh I love hearing that!

I got ready and tried out a new hairstyle too! I have always loved side pony-tails but I never knew if I could pull it off. I thought I would try though since Martin always thinks I am beautiful. hehe.

My wonderful husband got reservations at a cute little romantic spot called Courtyard Cafe.
It was so much fun and our waiter was so nice! (also had an intense mustache. hehe)

There was a HUGE group behind us. hehe.

anniversaries and love, Monica
♥. ♥ . ♥

forgiveness

Well.. last night was a not-so-smiley moment for me. I even shock myself sometimes with my behavior.

I got home from work and my husband intended to be sweet and welcomed me home from my long 8 hour day of work. Insecurities, anxiety, and just plain tiredness overwhelmed me and i started an argument with my husband. Not my proudest moment.

This morning... after "sleeping it off" i woke up in complete shame and mostly embarrassment for the way i reacted. We BOTH apologized for not handling the situation better and it opened up to some beautiful discussion between the two of us.

I am soo glad that i am in a marriage where we can overcome. Overcome an argument. Overcome our pride. Overcome hurt feelings. We can still forgive time and time again because we are forgiven.

And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you. 

Ephesians 4:32

I am thankful to the Lord DAILY that He has forgiven my sins (and the sins to come). I am an imperfect person but He still loves me. And i am an imperfect wife but my husband still loves me (and i love him). We are still learning and growing and i am sooo thankful that we get to do it together.

My prayer for today:
God, thank You for Your grace, mercy, and forgiveness. I am a sinner and i and soo thankful for Jesus dying on the cross to wash me clean. You see me as clean and pure. Father, thank you for a husband who can forgive the way that You forgive and teach me to do this also. Speak to my heart and help me to learn more and more about forgiveness. Lord, give me eyes to see my husband the way that you see him and give him eyes to see me the way that you see me. Help us to grow more in love with each other and to You.
In Jesus Name - AMEN!

forgiveness and love. - Monica
♥ . ♥ . ♥

blog thoughts & 40 days fast

Happy Monday to you all!!! :)

I have recently discovered a beautiful blog last week. Unveiled Wife is a blog dedicated to encouraging and uplifting wives and wives-to-be. The author, Jennifer, writes beautiful and powerful prayers for soo many marital circumstances and situations. Her life story is real and out there for everyone to read. She is truly an inspiration to me.

I love to document fun recipes and the cute stuff my new husband and i are doing... but above all else, beyond the recipes, pictures of my every day life, and little updates i hope to be inspiring. To uplift. To encourage. To brighten people's day. To be real and raw no matter the cost. To show love and kindness.

My blog is like my journal... rejoicing in the happy moments and contending in the not-so-smiley times. After all, i am a woman who cries when i am sad (or mad). Who laughs so hard at times that my side hurts. I am a girl who makes up phrases and chooses alternatives to cuss words.
I just hope that with the words that i write... even if it is one person who reads it... that the person on the other side feels the hope that is inside my heart.
So laugh along with me... even cry when the moment needs it... but in everything feel inspired.  Inspired to not be ashamed of who you are. Encouraged to be proud of the person God made you.

I am starting a 40 day fast inspired by Unveiled Wife. I will be fasting coffee (and espresso) and all sweets. I will be contending for my friend's, family's, and for my own marriage to be Christ-centered, to fall even more incredibly in love with Jesus, for me and my husband to realize our calling and identity, and for complete restoration to God and to each other in broken marriages that surround me. If any one is interested please feel free to join me!
Read the inspiration for the 40 day fast here. Also, if you need prayer for anything please comment below and let me know. (:

wives learning from other wives, more inspiration, and love. - Monica
♥ . ♥ . ♥

God & marriage.

So a friend of mine put this on their facebook the other day and i ADORED it! Many other of my friends have shared this video too... and i felt it was soo inspiring that i thought i would share it with my lovely blog readers. :)

This video is an inspiration to husbands, wives, and single people. This video speaks the truth. This video encourages the true meaning of a Godly marriage.

I hope you all enjoy this as much as i did. :)





sex, marriage, fairytales, and love. - Monica

♥ . ♥ . ♥