a weekly recap & repentance

Hello lovelies!!! I know I have been missing for like... the past ... week. hehe. I was not feeling well... and then hubby started to not feel well either.
We are better now and he is back to work today... so I figured I should too.

So this is me right now:

I am sitting on my bed folding laundry. I have already cleaned the kitchen and the living room.

I have not done very well on the chores since last week. hehe. Although hubby cleaned the kitchen and it was sooo wonderful!!!

Bathroom and bedroom are next on the cleaning list.

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 We haven't really done anything all week -- so no special updates. We did get a wonderful canvas from Picture It Canvas that I bought from Groupon for only $39 (its worth $110)! I am so so excited and I cannot wait to buy more.. whenever they go on sale again. lol

We also went to a frozen yogurt place this weekend for a little date. It was pretty delicious. I was jealous of Martin's though. He went with a more fruity theme...... and I went with a chocolate theme. lol.

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Also hubby and I had some really beautiful worship and prayer time. It was much much needed. We repented to each other and just kind of turned a new leaf. Repentance (to me) is acknowledging that you have not been living how you want to live -- and vowing to change the behavior. To turn your back from it and start fresh. To go and sin no more. {John 8:11}
Remember {this post} I wrote last week about being aware of what you say before you say it? Well I am still not perfected in it... so hubby and I both released everything and will put our repentance to action. 

"As long as he doesn't convert it into action,

 it does not matter how much a man thinks 

about his repentance." - C.S. Lewis

I encourage you all to pray and worship with your spouse/boyfriend/best friend. Take that time to be with your God and grow. Listen to the Lord. Praise Him. And if you EVER need to repent to ANYONE for ANYTHING -- do it. Remember it is more then just saying "sorry" its making a true commitment that you will change and you know you were wrong. Its amazing how freeing it is to do that. 

I pray for all you who read this that God will encounter you today and give you all the peace that you need! A big big hug from my home to yours!!!

Also make sure to check out my new facebook page. (:

fro-yo, repentance, and love. - Monica

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forgiveness

Well.. last night was a not-so-smiley moment for me. I even shock myself sometimes with my behavior.

I got home from work and my husband intended to be sweet and welcomed me home from my long 8 hour day of work. Insecurities, anxiety, and just plain tiredness overwhelmed me and i started an argument with my husband. Not my proudest moment.

This morning... after "sleeping it off" i woke up in complete shame and mostly embarrassment for the way i reacted. We BOTH apologized for not handling the situation better and it opened up to some beautiful discussion between the two of us.

I am soo glad that i am in a marriage where we can overcome. Overcome an argument. Overcome our pride. Overcome hurt feelings. We can still forgive time and time again because we are forgiven.

And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you. 

Ephesians 4:32

I am thankful to the Lord DAILY that He has forgiven my sins (and the sins to come). I am an imperfect person but He still loves me. And i am an imperfect wife but my husband still loves me (and i love him). We are still learning and growing and i am sooo thankful that we get to do it together.

My prayer for today:
God, thank You for Your grace, mercy, and forgiveness. I am a sinner and i and soo thankful for Jesus dying on the cross to wash me clean. You see me as clean and pure. Father, thank you for a husband who can forgive the way that You forgive and teach me to do this also. Speak to my heart and help me to learn more and more about forgiveness. Lord, give me eyes to see my husband the way that you see him and give him eyes to see me the way that you see me. Help us to grow more in love with each other and to You.
In Jesus Name - AMEN!

forgiveness and love. - Monica
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.heartbreak.

I just had a Skype date with a very lovely friend of mine.

She is going through some heartbreak.

I believe that heartbreak is the worst hurt someone can feel.. because so much more comes with it.
Its a hurt that is deep in your soul... where crying just doesn't feel like its enough. Even if it has been sometime.. the hurt and pain can remain.
Heartbreak can cause a person to be closed off, bitter, fearful, judged, and broken. It can make a person be emotionally turned off from future relationships because of the yuckiness that is still in their heart. 

Like i told my friend... it is SOO important to forgive the other person (or persons) involved in your wounded heart. Hating them (or cursing them) does not HURT them... but it kills you. Ill feelings kills your spirit, your vibrancy, you future relationships, and it keeps your heart in a dark tomb. While they are off living their lives just as they always have you are toiling inside.

Learn to forgive wholeheartedly. Forgiving them is in NO WAY saying that what they did was okay (because it probably wasn't okay), nor is it saying that what you are feeling is not valid. Forgiving them is taking back the power that they have over you. It is saying "what you did was wrong and hurt me... i am stepping away from you emotionally and taking back everything that i freely gave you... and everything that was stolen from me. In return i give back to you anything that you have freely given me, and anything i took from you. I completely forgive you for [whatever it is] and i release you to be happy."

i know, i know... it sounds silly to say all of that... but its worth it. It may take some time to forgive but it is something that we need to do in order to move on with our lives. Colossians 3:13 tells us to forgive just as the Lord has forgiven us. Not because it is the "right thing to do" but because the Lord has forgiven us.

Forgiveness can release you from that tormenting heartbreak we have all felt at some time in our lives.

Unforgiveness for heartbreak hurts us and our future (or current) relationships. :( Not fun.

Remember - Psalm 147:3 "He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

Sending you lots of love and happiness!

forgiveness, restored hearts, and love. -M


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Hello... my name is Monica...

... and i am a daughter of an alcoholic.

This is something that is NOT a secret to anyone i know. I grew up in a very small town... where people like to talk.

I do not want to write this blog about my past, or what has happened to me. I have moved on... but i would like to write down how it is now... and what it means to be an adult child of an alcoholic.

Its amazing how the way you grew up can really influence the way you are as an adult. I am noticing more and more of that now that i am preparing to walk down the aisle.

Adult children of alcoholics can tend to be perfectionist, overreact to change out of their control, constantly seek approval and affirmation, are extremely loyal (even in the face of evidence that loyality is underserved), frightened of angry people, have an overwhelming sense of responsibility, stuff their feelings, have low self-esteem, and can be terrified at personal criticism. [ site reference ].

These things could be going on in the adult head, all because of an addiction that the child did not say yes to.  Because of the way we, as children, needed to guard ourselves from our alcoholic parents . . .  we can tend to OVER guard our hearts to our new adult relationships. We build up these walls so that we cannot get hurt. But walls dont keep us from getting hurt . . . it keeps people from getting in and lovingly touching our hearts. I know that i do this at times. . . and now that i am seeing it - i am more equipped to fix it.

We can tend to see things not as they truly are - but as our "hurt glasses" see them. Like when you have colored sunglasses on and your world looks a little altered. Adult children of alcoholics can sometimes look at a situation and instead of seeing it for what it truly is . . .  we see through our hurt and react out of that - making something a big deal, although it really isn't. People who were not affected by alcoholism have a hard time understanding or relating to this. We have to take the "hurt glasses" off and see life for what it really is . . . and not for what our anxieties and fears see it.

Alcohol is a VERY touchy subject with me. Everyone who knows me . . . knows this about me. And although my mother has an unhealthy relationship with alcohol, i have noticed that i too, have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol.
I do not love it too much that i choose it about other things . . . but i HATE it so much that i choose harsh feelings over other things. Which is also unhealthy.

I hate ALCOHOLISM and what it can do the family. But not everyone who drinks is an alcoholic. Not everyone who goes to a bar has a problem with alcohol. It seems soo simple, but for a daughter of an alcoholic . . . that is something i had to re-learn.

So.. yes, i do have walls up that i need to tear down in order to have a healthy relationship with my new husband. He is a very understanding and gracious man and i am soo thankful for him. I know that it takes steps to get to where i need to be . . . and i have been taking those baby steps. Every day i feel like i have more and more breakthrough in this area.

I am being honest with myself, honest with my future husband. I breathe and have to remind myself that sometimes i am looking through my "hurt glasses" . . .  and i need to take them off to see what is REALLY going on and not what my previously hurt heart sees.

Its a challenge and a learning process. I recently went to an Alanon Meeting (for families affected by alcoholics). i HIGHLY recommend it. If you are affected by anyone in your life who is (or was) an alcholic, please find a meeting to attend. Even if you are not in contact with the alcoholic . . .  it will help. trust me.

Remember that the past will only dictate your future . . .  if you allow it to.

hope, new beginnings, and love. - M

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