Trust the process

Today I have been a little reminiscent of when hubby and I were dating.

this was before he left in Jun 2010 at a friend's wedding. Cant tell in pictures we were struggling.

 After about 9 months of dating, my Mr. moved to Southern California  (about 10 hrs away) to go to a ministry school. It was something that we had always talked about and hubby said that when the school started -- he was going to go. We knew when he left for school that there was a "no dating" policy, since we were doing long distance we thought it would be alright.
A couple of weeks had passed and we found out that it really meant "NO DATING." The following months to come our communication was limited and we had to break our soul tie to each other.

Let me preface -- before he left for So Cal Martin and I were struggling. We were dealing with a lot insecurity, doubt, trust issues, jealousy, and just being so far from the Lord. We tried and our hearts cried out for the Lord... but we were still lost.

At the time when his pastors told us we couldn't have a relationship any longer and we needed to stop communicating -- I was upset!!! Oh my sadness I was upset! To put it incredibly dramaticly -- I felt like someone was ripping out my heart! Not only was my boyfriend 10+ hours away.. but now I can't even communicate with him!? Not even letters. :(

I felt confused and lost. People around me didn't understand the reasoning behind it (at times I didn't full understand the reasoning) but for 4 straight months we didnt say one word to each other. I HAD to trust and rely on the Lord. I had to pray to Him and fall even more in love with the Lord.
My love came home for Christmas break and it was a little awkward in the beginning. We were able to spend some time together -- but not kissing or holding hands or anything. We had given each other to the Lord in this season and we were TRYING to trust this process.
Hubby still proposed on Christmas morning and then left a week later back to school. The following 4 months were a little more confusing because we were engaged but still couldn't talk. I was planning a wedding with him... but it still felt a little.. unsettled.

Christmas break 2010

 Honestly for a very long time I resented that season. I was upset that I missed out on that part of his life. He was being transformed by the Lord and speaking into so many people's lives -- and I wasn't apart of it. I felt like his pastors hated me -- & that's why they didn't want me to talk to him. I had to fight back insecurities that he would be better off with someone else there (I battled that for a loonngg time! We had to talk through it with our pre-marital mentors and even after we were married the enemy would try to bring that lie back).

his graduation. (: 5.8.10 my birthday

Summer before our wedding. (: WWAAYY better place in our relationship! God is good!

 This morning I was talking with a friend about that tough season and the Lord reminded me what it was for. Its like a light bulb has finally went off. I SEE it now. Hubby and I learned (through that process) to find our identity and happiness in Christ ALONE! We were able to work through some of our insecurities, jealously, and distrust and be the couple that God intended us to be -- so that we could have the marriage God intended us to have. We are not perfect & if we try to find our happiness in one another -- we will ALWAYS be let down. But through that season we learned to rely on the Lord and leave the old behind and make something new with the two of us. We broke the old yucky soul tie -- to make a new beautiful one that is completely blessed.
We still have our ups and downs but with everything we have been through we are able to look to the Lord in any situation.

Its tough to trust the process when you are in it. When things don't seem to be going the way we want them to go its hard to say "ok, God I know there is a reason in this." More often then not we are thinking, "Get me outta here!!!" Remember that God could be preparing you for something. It may not be for right now... but it could be for your future. I don't think Martin and I would have the marriage we  have today if we didn't have that tough season. Trust the process and remember that He makes all things together for your good. :)

huge hugs from my home to yours!

processes and love. - Monica
♥ . ♥ . ♥

Leaving on a jet plane & a graduating niece.

Happy Friday lovelies!!!

My beautiful niece is graduating high school in one week and my sister blessed me and bought my plane ticket. I will be flying to California on Sunday morning. I still cannot believe she is that old!

Awh... when she was little.

I am only 8 years older then my niece so we grew up in a very different relationship then the normal aunt-niece relationship. Its kind of like I have two sisters - my sister and my niece. hehe. We were really close growing up and she was my maid of honor at my wedding (my sister was my matron of honor -- I had two of honors).
I am extremely proud of her and so excited for this next season in her life! She is a beautiful young woman who will do amazing things! (: 
 __ . __ . __ . __

I am actually sad to leave Martin for 8 days. We are still newlyweds and this will be the farthest that I have been away from him. I have been a housewife since we have been in Alabama and I am just hoping my house doesn't fall apart while I am gone. Hehe.

I have never traveled this far alone before so I am a little bit nervous too... but I really am excited to see my family! My brothers' birthday is June 4th, so I am hoping I can see them too! (:

Happy weekend! (:

Air travels and love. - Monica
♥ . ♥ . ♥

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pasta for a week.

Well its 10:00pm on Saturday night and i am sitting in my apartment watching a marathon of Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives on Food Network.

Yup, my husband couldn't come home tonight after all. They did not get off work until after 6pm and they are 5 hours away and were too tired to drive home. :( So... (hopefully) he will be home tomorrow.

Before i knew if he was coming home or not i decided to cook dinner that i knew he would like and that would last even if he didn't come home until super late. I made delicious bow tie pasta with chicken, broccoli and alfredo sauce. It was very good but i think  know that i maybe went a little overboard.

I have a lot of left overs! I dont think i will need to cook for awhile. hehe.

oh well... at least no matter when or what time my husband comes home... there is PLENTY of food here for him!

I have ALOT of respect for people who are in a constant long distance marriage (with spouses who travel for work, military, and school). This is sooo much harder then i thought it would be. I mean we did long distance while we were dating... but it SOOO much harder now that we are married. He has been gone for 8 days... i cant imagine those wives who cant see their husbands for 8 months! My heart goes out to all of you.

Also.. i soaked my fingernails in acetone nailpolish for an ENTIRE 30 minute show... and i FINALLY got all my fake nails off (from my wedding!). hooray!! They look TERRIBLE... but i am glad they are off!

pasta, needing a manicure, and love - M

♥. ♥ . ♥

he's coming home!

My husband has been gone for a week for work now and he will be home on Saturday!

I am OVERJOYED! i cannot wait to see him! i am planning a delicious meal of chicken alfredo and dutch apple pie!!!

I work today... and then i have two days off to clean and cook by the time he comes home.


I sure am learning that "absence makes the heart grow fonder". hehe.

I am off to work... which i am enjoying because then i don't focus on how much i miss my husband.

absence, homecoming, and love - M

♥ . ♥ . ♥