Thursday, June 4, 2015

Birth Story of Jayden Michael {natural VBAC}

11 days past my estimated due date I woke up at 3am to my son crying from his crib. I went in his room and rubbed his back like so many nights before. Except this time, I was having contractions. REAL contractions, not the false ones I had been experiencing for weeks before this. I rubbed Seth's back while trying to rock back and forth and manage these light contractions. I went back to bed and woke up again at 6am because my contractions were getting stronger. I decided to FINALLY time them. 



Lasting about 30 seconds and roughly 10 minutes apart, I knew that I would meet my second baby boy soon. 

I continued to manage through them since they weren't that severe while I fed my son breakfast and watched Jake and the Neverland Pirates. I told my husband that I thought today was the day and he called into work and got our son all ready for a slumber party at grandma's house. I called my midwife to let them know what was going on. The day before at my appointment she told me to take castor oil in the morning and I was delighted to tell her I didn't need to. I told her I would just keep timing the contractions and would call back when things picked up. I also let my doulas know what was happening and told them I would have them come when I couldn't handle them on my own. 

My doulas came over at around noon and were just a dream. My contractions were about a minute long and coming every 6-9 minutes at that time. They helped me with counter pressure, encouragement, prayers, and making me laugh. We would be talking and then when a contraction would come I would put my head down and they knew to be quiet and help me through them. In between these contractions we would talk and laugh while I ate some delicious trail mix. The contraction would come and everything got silent besides my low groans and breathing. 
I thought these were soo painful. At about 5pm I called my midwife and said I thought I should come in and see what was happening. The contractions were stronger and coming about every 4-5 minutes [ my birth center had a 4-1-1 rule before I could get checked in. Contractions need to be 4 minutes apart, lasting 1 minute, for 1 hour]. 
We got to the birth center so excited for some good news. My midwife checked me and i was only about 4cm and she sent me home until my contractions were stronger. 
My husband, doulas, and I decided to grab some dinner. I had contractions throughout dinner but I was managing through them well. I would squirm in my chair and just breathe through. 
I decided to have my doulas go home since I felt like we still had a LONG night ahead of us. 

At about 7pm My husband and I went home and he drew me the most relaxing bath with candles and worship music. I put some clary sage oil on my belly per my doula's advice to speed up the contractions. I drank a huge bottle of water and just laid in the bath while I was breathing through the contractions. At about 9pm I went to bed to try to sleep for awhile since I was just so so exhausted. I fell asleep inbetween contractions. {My husband even said he heard me snoring!} At 11:00pm my contractions were getting really intense! I felt a painful pop and when I got up i felt a gush. My water broke! We called my midwife and told her we will be coming. My husband also texted my doulas and told them to meet us there. 

By 1am on April 29 we were all in the birth center and I was 7cm and transitioning. The nurse made me a berry smoothie when we first got in the room, which I immediately threw up (something I said i didnt want to happen during labor. And i only drank like 2 drinks and then it just didnt sound good after that.) I got in their big birthing tub to help with the contractions. And honestly.... it didnt help much. 

A lot of natural labors and deliveries are always described so beautifully and like the mom was calm and serene during the whole thing. This was not the case here. I had all these beautiful mantras to say and things I wanted... but really what I said mostly the entire time was "ouch!!! I dont know if I can do this!" At one point I remember looking at my midwife and asking if I could just run away. I literally cried out to Jesus the entire time. "Jesus, please help me." I did not know I could experience THAT kind of pain and not just die. 
{Now remember [insert flash back music] my first son was born c-section and I got an epidural at 5.5cm WAY before transition. I had NO idea what to expect with a natural vaginal birth. Okay, back to this birth.}
At around 2am I got out of the tub and on to the bed to start pushing. The next two hours I pushed in so many different positions. Baby's heartrate would drop in every single position except the "traditional hospital position". No fun. I was so so exhausted. My midwife, nurses, and doulas were just so so wonderful. I kept exclaiming that I couldn't do it because I was just too tired. They were so so encouraging and uplifting. My midwife was tough. A good tough though. She kept reminding me that the other option was a transfer to a hospital to assist with a vacuum. I DID NOT want that... so I kept going. My midwife suggested the birthing chair. I pushed and pushed and pushed. I wished I could just give up. It had been 2 hours of pushing and I was just so so tired. I didnt think I could go on. Then my midwife showed me that my baby was so close and I felt his little head. That just gave me the motivation to muster up strength  I didn't know I had and push my baby into this world. 

At 4:32am on April 29, 2015 Jayden Michael was born into my arms. He was 9 lbs 10 oz and 21 inches long. I held him in just amazement that I helped create this beautiful baby and that my body was capable of bringing him into the world. I was impressed and shocked at myself. Through the entire 22 hours of labor and delivery I hit so so many walls but I was able to get over each one. 



Jayden, I am extremely blessed by you. You are our little miracle and our life has so much more joy now that you are here. I love you so so much my sweet one! We are thankful for you and truly the Lord had heard our cries! 

birth, strength, and love - Mrs. V

Wednesday, March 25, 2015

grief {honoring her name}

I wrote this months ago but never posted. It has no been over a year and these words are still incredibly true. I still wish to honor her name and all that she has passed down to me. If you are experiencing grief, please talk about it, write about it, and remember to honor their lives. 

Some of you may know that my beloved aunt passed away a few months ago.

"Auntie Gee" (as everyone called her) pretty much raised me when I was taken away from my parents due to their own struggles. I lived with her for about year or more when I was 5yrs old. And From 14 yrs old on... I lived with Auntie Gee.
I am forever grateful for her selflessness, acceptance, love, and constant sacrifice  in my life. She took me and my two younger brothers in after raising 4 kids of her own.

My grief will come and go. I feel it in moments where I want to call her to tell her about my day or how SethJason is doing. Times where I would call her because my husband and I were in an argument and i needed her encouragement.  Times where I would normally call just to chat - like on the way to the store, or when the baby went down for a nap.
I spoke to my aunt every single day. She was my best friend in every sense of the word.

Auntie Gee taught me how to be a strong, independent woman. She taught me to speak my feelings out and to never feel bad about my emotions. My aunt taught me to always stand up for what I believe in and trust in the Lord at all times.
Auntie Gee NEVER judged me, or made me feel bad. She was always encouraging.... even if we (my brothers and I) weren't doing well, she still always made us feel loved and accepted. She understood every emotion I was feeling. She would even have to explain to my husband why I was acting the way I was acting. haha.

I know that I wouldn't be the woman I am today without her.

So.... I will miss her forever. I dont think a day will go by without me thinking of her and how she made such a mark on my life.
But i do know that she doesnt want me to sit in my room and cry all day. She doesnt want me to give up on life and blame and question God as to why He took her from me. She doesnt want me to fear the unknown.
My Auntie Gee wants me to LIVE LIFE!

So that is what I am going to do. Live a bigger, better, more beautiful life in honor of her! I will take every wonderful thing she has taught me - from her words, her actions, and her impressions - and I will apply those in my life. I know the words she would say to me and I will honor that.


{my aunt, two cousins, and I when visiting on our way to Alabama in April 2012}

honor and love. - Mrs. V


Tuesday, March 24, 2015

my short marriage realization



Because sometimes marriage is hard. 

And messy.


Sometimes we forgive more then we laugh. 


Because there are days where we want to run away. 


Because there are moments where I need a lot of grace, and I need to extend the same amount. 


Sometimes I need to be reminded that my spouse is not perfect.... And neither am I. 


There are times in marriage where frustration takes over and communication is lacking. 


And in these moments is when I am reminded how badly we need Christ at the center. Forever. 


something I am learning and love. - Mrs V

Tuesday, March 17, 2015

embrace



I found this quote on Pinterest and instantly fell in love. 

A mess is probably how I would best describe myself right now. 

Today marks one month before our second son's due date. My days are filled with toddler tantrums, cleaning, cooking, cuddles, naptimes, laundry, coffee, and waddling around. My bible/devotional time is short... if at all. I put on some worship music after naptime to make up for it.... or at least to regain my peace. 
I am trying to best prepare my son, my home, and my heart for the arrival of this new blessing. It is difficult. I am trying to look at my growing body and see the beauty that is in it. We are preparing for another cross country move just a month after baby is here. 

I cry a lot.

 happy tears. frustrated tears. mad tears. scared tears. overwhelmed tears. 

I am a mess.

But i know I wont get these moments back. We wont be a family of 3 for long. My almost two year old wont always want to me to sit and play with his toys with him. My husband won't always have this schedule or this job. I may not always have the beautiful experience to stay home and do all the tedius housework. I wont always have this opportunity to carry a child. 

So, i need to embrace it. Embrace the chaos. Embrace the crazy. Embrace the beauty. and Embrace this mess. 

I encourage all my beautiful readers to embrace the mess that you are. The quirks, the flaws, the fears, the indecisiveness, the confidence, the body, the scars. All of it! You are beautiful. You are amazing. You are indeed, fearfully and wonderfully made!  

embracing the mess with love, Mrs. V

Monday, January 19, 2015

Happy Monday!

Happy Monday lovelies!!!!

Are you off today for the holiday? MrV has to work (boo!) but is getting holiday pay (yay!).

I wanted to just update you on what is going on here.

~ I am now 6.5 months pregnant with baby boy #2 and getting so so excited! He is kicking like crazy and I am just getting bigger and bigger. Its starting to get uncomfortable and I am not quite sure how I will manage another 3 months. AsherTate is super healthy and I just feel so so blessed. We still have a lot to get for him but we are good with clothes. Luckily we saved a lot from SethJason. We are hoping for a VBAC at a beautiful birth center here and I am just trying to prepare myself the best I can.


~ MrV is working and keeps working his way up in the company. I am so so proud of him! We have some transition we are figuring out with his job so prayers would be appreciated on that. He is playing football on the weekends with a group of guys he works with and he is just loving it. I am so glad he has a little outlet to just be a man. 


~ SethJason is now a year and half!!! He recently had a very traumatic haircutting experience ... even though it was his 2nd haircut. I am teaching him signs since he still isn't talking much. He will say
"mom" and "dada" but everything else is jibber jabber. He can sign: more, eat, and all done. I need to start teaching him some more because he is doing so well with it. And gets way less frustrated with me while trying to communicate. SethJason climbs on everything and loves to throw his little football (just like daddy). He is now sleeping through the night, completely weaned, and even sleeps in his crib!!!! This just happened about 3 months ago. hehe. Its wonderful to have a few months off before we start this process over with AsherTate. Everything is a phone to him and he loves to talk.... unless someone is actually on the phone and then he doesn't talk at all. hehe.


~ Our family is starting to pray about where we want to live forever. We miss our families in California sooo much and we are really just trying to figure out what will be best for us. MrV is looking into transfers for later this year and where would be best. Please be praying for us as we listen to The Lord and really decide where we want to plant roots. We have lived in 4 different states in the last 3.5 years and we really want to settle.

~ We found a church here that we are really enjoying too! Its a bigger church but everyone is so so friendly. SethJason even has a little class that he does too and he really LOVES it! He plays with all the little kids and is learning about sharing, songs, and The Lord.


We are really being reminded of just the love of God and that HE directs our steps.

Sunday, December 28, 2014

After Christmas blues.

After the Holidays is always so strange. 

Trying to keep up with chores.
Attempting to not only eat cookies and eggnog all day. 
Adjusting back to normal life. 

MrV went back to work today after a few days off for Christmas and it was so sad for me! It felt a little strange to be just me and our son at home all day long. He is still enjoying all his new toys but I was a tad lost when I went to put on Christmas music with the fireplace on while he played. It took me about a milisecond to think "is this okay?" Is Christmas music really off limits after December 25th? 

Christmas has SUCH a huge build up. Some families start decorating and listening to Christmas carols before Thanksgiving! And then in a blink of an eye, its all gone and we have to take down the tree and garland and go back to whatever music we listened to before 'O Holy Night' was on repeat. 
We place all the ornaments back in the boxes and no longer buy peppermint mocha coffee creamer. 

On to the next BIG event! With new beginnings, resolutions, promises, and declarations. 

And although Christmas is over, my biggest resolution is that the reason behind it all - Jesus - will continue to impact those around me. 

empty cups of eggnog, disipating smell of pine, and love. - MrsV

Thursday, December 25, 2014

Merry Christmas 2014

Hello lovelies! 

I know you are all wondering where in the world i have been.... well i wish i had something awesome to tell you -- but i have been in my apartment with Seth (LittleGuy) being a momma and loving this pregnancy. 

Today, I am enjoying the day celebrating the birth of our Savior with my beautiful family.  LittleGuy received so many amazing gifts from family and is currently napping (or in a sugar coma). 
MrV is playing with his little brother's new XboxOne getting lost in the Shadows of Mordor. 
I just finished my 4th cup of eggnog (don't judge me) and typing on my brand new ipad that MrV totally surprised me with! 
My in laws are all watching The Hobbit -- which i am not a total fan of. lol. 
Asher (LittleMan in my tummy) is kicking like crazy (probably wants more eggnog). 

We are thoroughly enjoying this Holiday and I am a little sad for the day when MrV returns to work next week and the magic is gone. 

May today (and everyday) be filled with laughter, the joy of Christ, smiles, and love! 

christmas sweets, mugs full of eggnog, and love. - MrsV