Saturday, January 13, 2018
Saturday, December 23, 2017
'Twas the night before the night before Christmas and all through the house my toddlers were shouting and calling me out.
Testing my patience and wearing it thin, while I try to practice all the "gentle" parenting that I can manage to muster in.
No cookies are baked, no presents are wrapped. The house is a mess and momma could use a nap.
There are dishes in the sink and a long list of to'dos, how did Christmas come just so soon?
The children are not tired, oh not at all. Because they ate their weight cookies and candy canes from the mall.
As the day gets later and the night grows close, my eyes get heavy and I'm feeling like toast.
But there is still bath time, and story-time, and sugar bugs to brush. I will try to go fast but my boys hate to rush.
Lotion, and snuggles, and kisses on foreheads too knowing that they will come crawling out of the bed in just a minute or two.
When they are finally asleep ( and lets be honest... it will take a bit) its time to attack that to do list since I have been ignoring it.
Wrap presents, wash clothes, bake cookies, and sweep.
Pick outfits, clean dishes, and then hopefully sleep.
I walk past my love bugs as they are soundly asleep
Knowing that the magic of Christmas is still one they keep.
To them its not lists, fancy dinners, or matched clothes.
Its not clean houses, homemade gifts, or the list that always grows.
To my sweet children, with the wonder in their eyes,
They don't think about those things that sometimes make me wanna cry.
Its about moments and memories with the ones that they love.
Its about those sugar snacks and kisses and a big bear hug.
So as I drift off to sleep to wake up to Christmas Eve, I tell myself "next year, just enjoy it.
You don't need to fret. You don't need worry. And you don't need to stress. "
So a reminder to all you moms out trying to find their brave face
Enjoy this season. In the chaos, in the mundane, and make sure you give yourself grace.
Thursday, August 17, 2017
Thursday, July 6, 2017
Embrace the messy.
Literally I wish I had more to add to that but life has been messy.
My house has been messy.
My heart has been messy.
My hair has been messy (thank the Lord for dry shampoo).
My children have even been messy (hello summer!).
I'm learning to embrace that messiness. I'm accepting that sometimes I don't have it all together. Some days there aren't enough hours and I pack on the dry shampoo and wear yesterday's makeup.
Occasionally my children's socks don't match and their shirt has a small stain. Laundry is everywhere, toys are scattered, dishes are waiting to be washed.
Sometimes my heart is confused or processing. My worry is at an all time high and I'm fighting to put my trust back in the Lord.
But this is life. Learn to love the messy moments and the neat and tidy ones. And everything in between.
Friday, March 10, 2017
This past year has been filled with unthinkable pain and unimaginable comfort. I have felt the greatest loss I thought I could feel and yet I gained so much.
Knowledge of the Lord.
When I was first going through the devastation of separation and divorce I could not have imagined all that I would experience.
God truly makes beautiful things out the dust.
Sunday, January 22, 2017
This single mom thing is hard.
This being divorced thing is so difficult.
This new life and "new normal" is challenging.
I am almost a year out from my seperation and although I know I have sooo much still to learn and experience, I feel like I'm in such a great place.
A place I didn't think I would ever be. A place that 10 months ago I didnt even know was possible .
So if I could go back to newly broken me, just in the beginning of this journey, I would have a few things to say.
1.) The sun will shine again.
When I come across newly single moms or just women who are experiencing a heart break or a divorce or ending of a relationship I often tell them that the sun will shine again.
When I first was seperated everything seemed so dark. Everything was so bland. I couldn't see any happiness and I didn't know if I ever would.
But I did ! The sun is shining so bright in my life!
The sky is darkest right before the dawn. The light is breaking.
2) Your pain has a purpose, God will reveal it in time.
There is a song that I played on repeat during my darkest days.
It's "Thy Will" by Hillary Scott and some of the lyrics says
"I'm so confused
I know I heard you loud and clear
So, I followed through
Somehow I ended up here
I don't wanna think
I may never understand
That my broken heart is a part of your plan
When I try to pray
All I've got is hurt and these four words
Thy will be done"
This song became my heart cry. Thy will be done. I'm broken. I'm confused. It doesn't make sense. I'm lost. But I will trust You God.
Now looking back I'm able to see God's hand in my life so intricately.
My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts," says the LORD. "And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine." - Isaiah 55:8.
If I wouldn't have been separated/divorced and on this journey I would have missed out on some incredible friendships. I wouldn't have experienced a level of deep love for the Lord in this season. I probably wouldn't have even found my church that has become such a big part of my life! (When we seperated I had to return to working so I had to put the boys in full time daycare. One of my son's teachers goes to that church. She invited me one day and I fell in love. But if I wasn't seperated I would have not put them in THAT school and met her!).
When you get a little further in the journey you are able to look back and see how God is piecing things together.
3.) Feel the feels.
I'm a cryer. Always have been. Probably always will be. I cry when I'm happy, sad, mad, and everything in between.
During the beginning of my seperation/divorce... I cried until I had no more tears left. Until my eyes hurt. It wasn't fun. It was ugly.
But I truly think you need to feel the feels to get to the other side of it. You need to feel the anger.... Don't stay there! But feel it and then release it to God. Feel the loss. Feel the bitterness. Grieve how you need to grieve but always ALWAYS take it up with the Lord.
Don't numb yourself with substances or relationships. You have to go over this mountain to get the other side.... Otherwise these hurts will show up time and time again. Feel it and release it to God.
4.) You do not have to be alone in this.
You need people! You need support. You need prayers. You need advice. You need a shoulder to cry on.
Go to counseling! (I saw a Christian counselor for a few months and it helped me find some amazing inner healing ). Reach out to friends when you are feeling sad. Text that person you know will pray for you.
We are not meant to do life alone as it is ... But In a transition like this... It's even more clear how much we need each other.
Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. - Romans 12:15
*And if you're reading this and have a friend in this type of transition ... Please reach out to them . Go for coffee. Text. Video chat. Let them know you're praying for them. Send them an inspiring quote. You have no idea what a world of difference it makes.*
5.) Keep your hope.
Hope is sooo important to me. I hold on to it tightly like child holds on to their lovey (i mean not my children .. they never caught on the the joy of a sweet stuffed animal to comfort them ).
The Bible says that hope deferred makes the heart sick (Proverbs 13:12) and oh boy have I felt that sickness before.
When our world is spinning and we don't know which way is up, it can be very difficult to see hope in the situation. When our heart is broken and we are overwhelmed with bills and the kids won't listen , hope seems like a far off distant dream.
But hope is there.
"Yes, my soul, find rest in God. My hope comes from Him. " - Psalm 62:5.
Not only hope but rest too!!! Oh that's what I need. God has you in the palm of His hand. He loves you. He is here for you. Don't lose sight of that. It doesn't make sense now and it's not fair.
I will never ever say that this was God's plan all along for my life. He is too much of a good God to allow my children to grow up in two homes. He is too much of a good Father to have planned this level of heartbreak. But we live in an imperfect world with imperfect people who make choices and have consequences.
But I trust Him and have Hope in Him.
"He has made EVERYTHING beautiful in its time." - Ecclesiastes 3:11
- . - . - . -
I still have so much to learn but it no longer scares me. I love my life... Even though it looks different then what I first imagined. But God has met me every step of the way just like how He is with you sweet one!
Lessons, hope, and love. - Monica
Wednesday, January 11, 2017
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Okay, I know I'm like two weeks late but better late then never, right?
I am incredibly happy to see 2016 be over with and so excited for this fresh new year.
I have no resolutions because... Well... Let's just be honest , I probably wouldn't stick to anything and then just disappoint myself.
So, I chose a word to focus on this year.
Finding the joy amongst the pain. Recognizing the joy in the midst of confusion. Accepting the joy in the simple moments. Believing in the joy to come in days ahead.
What are your resolutions ? Or did you choose a word?
Happy happy 2017!