Monday, August 26, 2013

Life with a newborn {honesty}

It has been 23 days since my son was born. 

I have been learning what it means to be a mother and trying my best to enjoy this experience. 

But since this is my blog and I want to always be honest and open on here... Here is the truth.

It's been hard. 

Starting from the moment he was born - there was a sense of disconnection. 
After all, I was still in surgery when he was born and my husband got to hold him and bond with him first. 
My epidural made me very very shaky and the anesthesiologist gave me "something to help me relax". Although I was so glad to not be shaking anymore, I felt disconnected to him in the recovery room. 
The next few days in the hospital I was healing and in a lot of pain and was on medication that continued that separated feeling. 
I was also sent home with that medicine {and to be honest, I needed it! I was in so so much pain and could barely do anything.}. 
After a few days I decided to stop taking a certain pain reliever because I didn't like how I was feeling while taking it. {I was still taking a non-narcotic pain medication}

I was a new mom and I would look at this beautiful baby boy but I didn't feel bonded. 
I didn't feel that mushy, gushy love that I thought I was supposed to be feeling during those first weeks.
So then I felt guilty. And shameful. 
I loved this baby boy.... But it wasn't this over the moon feeling. I was feeling more tired then anything. 
Lack of sleep, anxiety, fear, and guilt, consumed me. 

There were a few days that I just couldn't help but cry. 

Through time, naps, and lots of prayer I started to feel better. 
And now three weeks after his arrival I am feeling connected and bonded to this beautiful little guy that The Lord has given us. 

The first few weeks of a newborn are very tiring and trying. There are extreme highs and lows. Sometimes you do feel that picture perfect mushy love..... But other times you don't and that's ok. 

{if the negative feeling lasts more then a few weeks or if you have thoughts of harming you or your child, it's extremely important to tell your doctor since that could be signs of post pardom depression.}

I believe There is a special grace that The Lord gives to moms of newborns. Because I cannot do this on my own. I need the strength and joy of The Lord. 

To all you new, experienced, and soon-to-be moms -- I am praying for a fresh grace to enjoy every moment of your new born. Wish I could send you all hugs {and coffee}. 

Accepting our emotions and love - Monica

Tuesday, August 20, 2013


Two yrs ago today I was walking down the aisle to be joined as one flesh to my prince. 

Now, living in a new city, in a new state with a brand new baby and puppy I am more in love then that day. 

There have been ups and downs. Laughter and tears. From living in our first apartment together to driving across country. From raising our little puppy to bringing home our baby boy. Life has been so so amazing and God has blessed us. 

Normally I would post a million pictures of our wedding but I leave you with one of us exchanging our vows. 
My prayer is that we will live out our vows every single day. 

With all that I am and all that I have, I honor you. I promise to be your faithful and loving wife. I pledge my whole life and self to you.
I give myself to you, to have and to hold on this day forward - in the good and difficulty of life, no matter what comes. I will love and cherish you as long as we both live.   

Promises, love, and more love. -Monics

Sunday, August 18, 2013

My hope became reality

My baby boy is sleeping in his swing and I am relaxing on the chair. These past two weeks have been nothing like I have ever experienced. 
I literally feel like I could sleep for a month! 

Seth is growing great and the pediatrician said he is extremely healthy (he had gained a pound since leaving the hospital and is already past his birth weight). 
I believe he is in the middle of a growth spurt which meant that I got very little sleep last night and I am past due for nap. 

My beautiful mother-in-law and wonderful sister-in-law came for a visit over the weekend. It was so great to see them since we haven't since we moved here from California a yr and a half ago. 
Having help from my aunt and then from my Inlaws was so nice! 
I was dealing with a lot of emotions and I was able to work through them and even get more sleep! Hehe. 

Husby and I still have so much to learn and grow so we can raise this precious baby boy but I am just feeling so so blessed that he is here. 

This is a day that I had waited, hoped for, and prayed about for many many years and now it is here. I remember just wishing to one day be a wife and mom and now it is that time. I have to keep my joy - even with my sleepless nights. 
If you have a dream or you feel like God has promised you something and you haven't seen it come forth yet.... Do not give up. Don't lose Hope. The bible says hope deferred makes the heart sick {proverbs 13:12}. Keep your heart healthy and cling to that promise. Sometimes our timing isn't God's timing but know that He has you in mind and has your best interest! 

Praying for all of you! 

Thank you all so much for celebrating alongside me with the birth of BabyV too. I am excited to share this new journey with you. (: 

Happy Sunday! 

Hopes, swings, and love. - Monica 

Friday, August 9, 2013

Baby V is here!!!!

Well it has been a crazy few weeks for sure!!! 

My aunt came to town, I went into labor, and baby v was born! 
Yup, Seth Jason is here!!!!! My heart is exploding with love for this boy. 

I had been feeling increasingly uncomfortable - I felt stretched to the max. 
I started feeling some light contractions in the end of July but they were not that painful at all. We picked up my aunt on July 25th and I was more then ready for baby v to come! He had different plans though. The night of Wednesday, July 31 I started having stronger contractions that I could time and I was getting excited!!! I didn't sleep that night - part nerves and part breathing through the pain. Thursday (my due day) we went out of town to go to target and out to lunch. I thought the walking would help really kick start my labor. That night I felt like the contractions were very strong and close enough together to go to the hospital. I was wrong and was sent home since I hadn't progressed enough. Thursday night (when we got home) I felt the worse pain I had ever felt! My poor husband didn't know how to help me... But I am so blessed I have him. He tried to help me breathe through the pain and even drew me a bath (which was the only thing that helped with the pain). Friday at noon I decided to go back to the hospital and this time they kept me (yay!). We were there all day and by 2am Saturday we thought Seth was going to be born. Seth had other plans. 
Seth was posterior (facing the wrong way) and was stuck on my pelvic none. 

At 3:08am on August 3, 2013 Seth Jason was born via c section. He weighed 10 lbs 3 oz and was 22.5 inches long. 

It has been six days and I am falling even more in love every day! Martin has totally bonded with his son and is always in awe of him. 

I am recovering from the c section nicely and although I did lose some blood and needed a small transfusion, I am healing nicely. {praise God} 

Now we are adjusting to life with a newborn and loving every moment! 

Thank you Lord for entrusting Martin and I with the beautiful responsibility of parenting this little boy. I praise you that Seth is fearfully and wonderfully made and that he has hope and a future. You are such a good God and every time I look at this precious face I am once again reminded of your goodness. I pray that I never forget this and that each day I will see the opportunities to love extravagantly and represent You. I am humbled by you, Lord. Once again I thank you! I love you Lord. In Jesus Name Amen! 

Newborn snuggles, sweet husbands, and love. - Monica