Sunday, January 21, 2018

Lying my Dream Down at the Altar



Do you ever have those days at church where it feels like the pastor knew EXACTLY what you have been talking and thinking about and preaches right TO YOU.

That was me today.

The Lord has really been highlighting Psalm 126 to me. In that psalm it is talking about a joyful return to Zion.
'When the Lord brought back the captivity of Zion, We were like those who dream.' (Psalm 126:1)

I am re-learning what it looks like to dream. I am figuring out what my dream is. And truly questioning if I needed to come up with a different dream. That has been my struggle the past few months honestly. What does... dreaming and holding on to hope and yet being content in what I have actually look like? How do you have a desire in your heart for something that your life does not resemble currently? Is it being ungrateful to want something else?
I have a dream in my heart that I am waiting for God to answer.

Last week my pastor said "A dream delayed is not a dream denied."

Oh how that is like honey to my soul!

We have been working through the story of Abraham and Sarah and how God had promised Abraham  "more descendants than can be counted" (Genesis 17:2).
But Abraham was old and Sarah had been barren. God gave him this incredible promise. The Lord gave Abraham a dream! And although it took so many years to come into fruition .... it happened.
A dream delayed is not a dream denied.

Today the pastor spoke on the attempted sacrifice of Isaac. How Isaac WAS Abraham's dream and yet God asked him to lay it down on the alter to Him. Abraham was obedient. Abraham was willing to lie his dream down to the Lord and trust Him. Wow! What a faith!
Of course the Lord then provides a ram to be sacrificed instead and acknowledges Abraham's faith in God.

So this morning when the pastor asked those people to stand who were feeling the death of a dream and the urge to lay it down at the alter I jumped at the chance to stand.
My spirit was so moved and I literally felt the dream tangible as I opened my hand to God.
I have to love the dream-giver more then the dream.
If I never receive the dream that I have in my heart.... Jesus is still enough for me. He is still enough. A peace flowed through my body and my heart as my tears ran down my cheek while I surrendered this dream that I was grasping so tightly to.

I don't give it to God in hopes He will return it. I give it up to Him in hopes that He will give me all that He has for me.

Dear friends, there is a huge chance that God will not give me my metaphorical ram to take my dream's place. My dream very well could die up here on this altar.
But the beauty about death is, as my pastor so eloquently reminded us, that it makes way for new life.
Just like the dead trees of winter stay for a moment until the newness of Spring comes bursting upon us.
That is what is happening while I lie my dream down.
It dies so that something new can be born.

I literally feel a shift in my spirit as I have let go of what I think I want and open my heart to all that God has in store.

dreams, new dreams, and love,
Monica


Saturday, January 13, 2018

Dear 2018

Dear 2018,

NYE 2017


I am so glad that you are finally here! I counted down to when you would make your appearance with such expectancy in my heart.  

As I said good bye to my lovely friend, 2017, I realized that I had some pretty incredible memories. I made new friends, went to my first professional baseball game, had a first date, started a new job, finished DivorceCare, became a member at my church, found even more healing, had great conversations.  I turned 30, Seth learned his letters, Jayden opened up talking so much, had two amazing birthday parties for them. I bought my first house and moved in. I had funny little rewards given to me by my work. It was a joyful year overall. 

But you, oh you. I am so excited for you to be here. 

I hope you bring more peace in my home. 2018, I am expecting great things for you. Laughter, friendships, adventures, and growth. 

Now that you are here I want to embrace the beauty that you hold. The excitement in a new beginning. Saying good bye to yesterday and hello to all that is in store for me. 

I look forward to birthday parties and get togethers with friends. I look forward to challenges and learning new ways to overcome them. I am looking forward to a deeper spiritual walk and for the Lord to reveal Himself to me more. I look forward to dates (wink wink) and getting dressed up. I am so looking forward to my sweet boy starting kindergarten (tear) and for a brand new daycare for them both. I look forward to new recipes, new restaurants, more coffee, and even some desserts. 

Overall, 2018, I look forward to new grace that waits for me each and every day you are here! 

So glad you are with us! 

new years, new growth, new love, Monica