Meltdowns and Santa attempts

I cannot even believe that Christmas is only a little over a week away! I mean... really??? 

I probably say this every year but it went by so so fast! 

Our Christmas tree is decorated, the stockings are hung, Christmas movies are on everyday and I am a little sad that i will be coming to an end soon. I want to do all the Christmas stuff I can since I dont have much time left of the season.

The other day Husby and I took the boys to go see Santa. Well, we tried. 

We were going to go to the Bass Pro Shop since they have free activities and a free photo with Santa. We got there at about 3:40pm and they told us that the closest time was 7:30pm. We have to drive about 20 minutes to get there and since we had to eat and run errands we decided to take the ticket and comeback later. 

We went out to eat as a family and it was so wonderful! We havent done that in so long because Husby has been working so much. Both boys were in high chairs and it was so so cute! After that we went to Target to pick up a few things and walk around. We were just trying to waste time so that we could go back to see Santa. 

After about 30 minutes of navigating through a sea of people trying to get to deals at Target, MyStrongBoy went potty in his pull up. Which meant he needed to take it off. In the middle of the toy aisle. 

When we told him that he needed to go to the bathroom to do that he got so upset. Tears streaming down his face and frustration in his cries. Husby had to pick him up and take him to the car (since I left the diaper bag in there). At the car MyBigBoy was not wanting daddy to change him and continued yelling and kicking. I took MyLittleGuy (who was happy in the Ergo) out to find the car so that I could convince our 2 year old to get dressed. 

At that point it was 6pm and we knew we couldnt last another hour and decided to drive home. 

We thought the boys would like to go see Christmas lights. So we went home, put on comfy pjs, made mexican hot chocolate and made a quick stop at my in laws. 

But when it was time to leave MyBigBoy wasn't happy and another meltdown happened. Again he refused to put on a pull up for both my husband and I and my mother-in-law had to do it. 

We did eventually go and look at lights and it was fun. Then we got home, put MyBigBoy to bed..... which he got up just after I layed MyLittleGuy down in the crib, cried, and woke him up. 

I felt so angry.

Why?? I already have so many problems with MyLittleGuy sleeping in his crib! 

I yelled.

Then I went to bed, crying. I was so so ashamed of how I reacted all day. I just wanted to have a fun family day and it was nothing like I envisioned. 

- . - . - 

Sometimes I have those days. Sometimes I do cry before bed because of frustration or shame. Sometimes I do feel like I am a failing as a mom. Or that I could BE or DO better. Sometimes I am just so happy that tomorrow is a new day and I can start over. 

So, I am learning to give myself a little more grace. I am learning to take an extra second to breathe before I react. I am learning that my 2 year old has some pretty big emotions and he is learning to express them and I WANT him to have a safe place to do so. 

Motherhood is learning. its adapting. its changing. 

some tears, some hot cocoa, and love. - Monica