Friday, September 7, 2012

Trust the process

Today I have been a little reminiscent of when hubby and I were dating.

this was before he left in Jun 2010 at a friend's wedding. Cant tell in pictures we were struggling.
 After about 9 months of dating, my Mr. moved to Southern California  (about 10 hrs away) to go to a ministry school. It was something that we had always talked about and hubby said that when the school started -- he was going to go. We knew when he left for school that there was a "no dating" policy, since we were doing long distance we thought it would be alright.
A couple of weeks had passed and we found out that it really meant "NO DATING." The following months to come our communication was limited and we had to break our soul tie to each other.

Let me preface -- before he left for So Cal Martin and I were struggling. We were dealing with a lot insecurity, doubt, trust issues, jealousy, and just being so far from the Lord. We tried and our hearts cried out for the Lord... but we were still lost.

At the time when his pastors told us we couldn't have a relationship any longer and we needed to stop communicating -- I was upset!!! Oh my sadness I was upset! To put it incredibly dramaticly -- I felt like someone was ripping out my heart! Not only was my boyfriend 10+ hours away.. but now I can't even communicate with him!? Not even letters. :(

I felt confused and lost. People around me didn't understand the reasoning behind it (at times I didn't full understand the reasoning) but for 4 straight months we didnt say one word to each other. I HAD to trust and rely on the Lord. I had to pray to Him and fall even more in love with the Lord.
My love came home for Christmas break and it was a little awkward in the beginning. We were able to spend some time together -- but not kissing or holding hands or anything. We had given each other to the Lord in this season and we were TRYING to trust this process.
Hubby still proposed on Christmas morning and then left a week later back to school. The following 4 months were a little more confusing because we were engaged but still couldn't talk. I was planning a wedding with him... but it still felt a little.. unsettled.

Christmas break 2010
 Honestly for a very long time I resented that season. I was upset that I missed out on that part of his life. He was being transformed by the Lord and speaking into so many people's lives -- and I wasn't apart of it. I felt like his pastors hated me -- & that's why they didn't want me to talk to him. I had to fight back insecurities that he would be better off with someone else there (I battled that for a loonngg time! We had to talk through it with our pre-marital mentors and even after we were married the enemy would try to bring that lie back).

his graduation. (: 5.8.10 my birthday
Summer before our wedding. (: WWAAYY better place in our relationship! God is good!
 This morning I was talking with a friend about that tough season and the Lord reminded me what it was for. Its like a light bulb has finally went off. I SEE it now. Hubby and I learned (through that process) to find our identity and happiness in Christ ALONE! We were able to work through some of our insecurities, jealously, and distrust and be the couple that God intended us to be -- so that we could have the marriage God intended us to have. We are not perfect & if we try to find our happiness in one another -- we will ALWAYS be let down. But through that season we learned to rely on the Lord and leave the old behind and make something new with the two of us. We broke the old yucky soul tie -- to make a new beautiful one that is completely blessed.
We still have our ups and downs but with everything we have been through we are able to look to the Lord in any situation.

Its tough to trust the process when you are in it. When things don't seem to be going the way we want them to go its hard to say "ok, God I know there is a reason in this." More often then not we are thinking, "Get me outta here!!!" Remember that God could be preparing you for something. It may not be for right now... but it could be for your future. I don't think Martin and I would have the marriage we  have today if we didn't have that tough season. Trust the process and remember that He makes all things together for your good. :)

huge hugs from my home to yours!

processes and love. - Monica
♥ . ♥ . ♥


Anonymous said...

Monica thank you so much for sharing this. I pray God will bless me and my boyfriend's relationship like this. Please keep both of us in prayer. We both need more of God in our lives and in our relationship. thank you in advance.

Rachel said...

Oh wow, I cannot imagine having to go through that kind of separation during the courtship and dating phase. Angel and I didn'ts see each other often because we were long distance, but at least we could talk. That would be really, really hard. But I'm so glad that you were both able to grow and learn from it! God always does know what he's doing.

For me--for the first 1 year plus a few months of our marriage, Angel worked 12 hr. night shifts, from 7pm-7am. I largely did not appreciate that at all, because here I was, finally married, and still having to spend the night alone, go to parties and banquets and most events without a date--plus Angel had a really hard time adjusting between nights and days so it felt like he was sleeping all the time. If we had a choice, I would not have wanted him to work nights, but at the same time, I realized that we learned so much about how to live well with each other and appreciate what little time we had together through that--I'm grateful for the life lessons, now. And I hope he doesn't have to do night shift again, but because of that experience, I know we would be okay, so I'm not scared of it.

Beth said...

You are so mature to be able to see how this time benefited you and ya'lls relationship. I really enjoyed this post and think it's a good reminder!

Sippy Cups and Pearls said...

I cannot imagine how hard that would be - and that fact that y'all made it, good for you! I woulda been all sorts of emotional! hahaha.

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April said...

Thank you so much for sharing this. There was so much meat to this! God is good!

Morgan said...

wow. happiness in Christ alone is so important, but you and your husband definitely learned what that meant the hard way..and it looks like there is definitely a lot of fruit because of it.


Nicole said...

This is so encouraging, Monica!! I needed to hear your words and be reminded to TRUST and BELIEVE God for what He has said. Thank you, girl!!