|this was before he left in Jun 2010 at a friend's wedding. Cant tell in pictures we were struggling.|
A couple of weeks had passed and we found out that it really meant "NO DATING." The following months to come our communication was limited and we had to break our soul tie to each other.
Let me preface -- before he left for So Cal Martin and I were struggling. We were dealing with a lot insecurity, doubt, trust issues, jealousy, and just being so far from the Lord. We tried and our hearts cried out for the Lord... but we were still lost.
At the time when his pastors told us we couldn't have a relationship any longer and we needed to stop communicating -- I was upset!!! Oh my sadness I was upset! To put it incredibly dramaticly -- I felt like someone was ripping out my heart! Not only was my boyfriend 10+ hours away.. but now I can't even communicate with him!? Not even letters. :(
I felt confused and lost. People around me didn't understand the reasoning behind it (at times I didn't full understand the reasoning) but for 4 straight months we didnt say one word to each other. I HAD to trust and rely on the Lord. I had to pray to Him and fall even more in love with the Lord.
My love came home for Christmas break and it was a little awkward in the beginning. We were able to spend some time together -- but not kissing or holding hands or anything. We had given each other to the Lord in this season and we were TRYING to trust this process.
Hubby still proposed on Christmas morning and then left a week later back to school. The following 4 months were a little more confusing because we were engaged but still couldn't talk. I was planning a wedding with him... but it still felt a little.. unsettled.
|Christmas break 2010|
|his graduation. (: 5.8.10 my birthday|
|Summer before our wedding. (: WWAAYY better place in our relationship! God is good!|
We still have our ups and downs but with everything we have been through we are able to look to the Lord in any situation.
Its tough to trust the process when you are in it. When things don't seem to be going the way we want them to go its hard to say "ok, God I know there is a reason in this." More often then not we are thinking, "Get me outta here!!!" Remember that God could be preparing you for something. It may not be for right now... but it could be for your future. I don't think Martin and I would have the marriage we have today if we didn't have that tough season. Trust the process and remember that He makes all things together for your good. :)
huge hugs from my home to yours!
processes and love. - Monica
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