I am not too sure about how I feel.
I feel homesick for California more then I have ever before.
I feel discouraged that I have not found a job yet.
I feel overwhelmed and confused.
I feel frustrated and anxious.
When my feelings get so polluted and confusing I have to run to The Lord.
Friends, I am being honest -- if I had money I would joyfully go back to my beloved town in California. I would start attending my old church with a newfound appreciation. I would savor every restaurant, every coffee shop, every smell, every moment. I would hug my family and friends a little longer. I would enjoy the weather and happily go to work daily. I miss it more then I thought I would. And I haven't lived there in two years!
But moving back to California is not an option and I have to trust God during this time. I don't know why I am here and I have to fight back the bitterness of living in yet another new state.
BUT in the midst of all these feelings... I will trust God.
Father, help me. Help me too see the reason why I am here. I never want to lose my joy in any season. As a new mom I am trying to learn a new way to live my life and I thank you for that. I thank you and praise you for my son. There is so much newness in my life right now and I pray that I will trust you during this time... Even when it's hard. Thank you for listening to my prayers and heart's cry - even when it's repetitive. Amen.
New states, acclimating to a new call, and love. -Monica