grief {honoring her name}

I wrote this months ago but never posted. It has no been over a year and these words are still incredibly true. I still wish to honor her name and all that she has passed down to me. If you are experiencing grief, please talk about it, write about it, and remember to honor their lives. 

Some of you may know that my beloved aunt passed away a few months ago.

"Auntie Gee" (as everyone called her) pretty much raised me when I was taken away from my parents due to their own struggles. I lived with her for about year or more when I was 5yrs old. And From 14 yrs old on... I lived with Auntie Gee.
I am forever grateful for her selflessness, acceptance, love, and constant sacrifice  in my life. She took me and my two younger brothers in after raising 4 kids of her own.

My grief will come and go. I feel it in moments where I want to call her to tell her about my day or how SethJason is doing. Times where I would call her because my husband and I were in an argument and i needed her encouragement.  Times where I would normally call just to chat - like on the way to the store, or when the baby went down for a nap.
I spoke to my aunt every single day. She was my best friend in every sense of the word.

Auntie Gee taught me how to be a strong, independent woman. She taught me to speak my feelings out and to never feel bad about my emotions. My aunt taught me to always stand up for what I believe in and trust in the Lord at all times.
Auntie Gee NEVER judged me, or made me feel bad. She was always encouraging.... even if we (my brothers and I) weren't doing well, she still always made us feel loved and accepted. She understood every emotion I was feeling. She would even have to explain to my husband why I was acting the way I was acting. haha.

I know that I wouldn't be the woman I am today without her.

So.... I will miss her forever. I dont think a day will go by without me thinking of her and how she made such a mark on my life.
But i do know that she doesnt want me to sit in my room and cry all day. She doesnt want me to give up on life and blame and question God as to why He took her from me. She doesnt want me to fear the unknown.
My Auntie Gee wants me to LIVE LIFE!

So that is what I am going to do. Live a bigger, better, more beautiful life in honor of her! I will take every wonderful thing she has taught me - from her words, her actions, and her impressions - and I will apply those in my life. I know the words she would say to me and I will honor that.

{my aunt, two cousins, and I when visiting on our way to Alabama in April 2012}

honor and love. - Mrs. V

my short marriage realization

Because sometimes marriage is hard. 

And messy.

Sometimes we forgive more then we laugh. 

Because there are days where we want to run away. 

Because there are moments where I need a lot of grace, and I need to extend the same amount. 

Sometimes I need to be reminded that my spouse is not perfect.... And neither am I. 

There are times in marriage where frustration takes over and communication is lacking. 

And in these moments is when I am reminded how badly we need Christ at the center. Forever. 

something I am learning and love. - Mrs V

embrace

I found this quote on Pinterest and instantly fell in love. 

A mess is probably how I would best describe myself right now. 

Today marks one month before our second son's due date. My days are filled with toddler tantrums, cleaning, cooking, cuddles, naptimes, laundry, coffee, and waddling around. My bible/devotional time is short... if at all. I put on some worship music after naptime to make up for it.... or at least to regain my peace. 

I am trying to best prepare my son, my home, and my heart for the arrival of this new blessing. It is difficult. I am trying to look at my growing body and see the beauty that is in it. We are preparing for another cross country move just a month after baby is here. 

I cry a lot.

 happy tears. frustrated tears. mad tears. scared tears. overwhelmed tears. 

I am a mess.

But i know I wont get these moments back. We wont be a family of 3 for long. My almost two year old wont always want to me to sit and play with his toys with him. My husband won't always have this schedule or this job. I may not always have the beautiful experience to stay home and do all the tedius housework. I wont always have this opportunity to carry a child. 

So, i need to embrace it. Embrace the chaos. Embrace the crazy. Embrace the beauty. and Embrace this mess. 

I encourage all my beautiful readers to embrace the mess that you are. The quirks, the flaws, the fears, the indecisiveness, the confidence, the body, the scars. All of it! You are beautiful. You are amazing. You are indeed, fearfully and wonderfully made!  

embracing the mess with love, Mrs. V

Happy Monday!

Happy Monday lovelies!!!!

Are you off today for the holiday? MrV has to work (boo!) but is getting holiday pay (yay!).

I wanted to just update you on what is going on here.

~ I am now 6.5 months pregnant with baby boy #2 and getting so so excited! He is kicking like crazy and I am just getting bigger and bigger. Its starting to get uncomfortable and I am not quite sure how I will manage another 3 months. AsherTate is super healthy and I just feel so so blessed. We still have a lot to get for him but we are good with clothes. Luckily we saved a lot from SethJason. We are hoping for a VBAC at a beautiful birth center here and I am just trying to prepare myself the best I can.

~ MrV is working and keeps working his way up in the company. I am so so proud of him! We have some transition we are figuring out with his job so prayers would be appreciated on that. He is playing football on the weekends with a group of guys he works with and he is just loving it. I am so glad he has a little outlet to just be a man. 

~ SethJason is now a year and half!!! He recently had a very traumatic haircutting experience ... even though it was his 2nd haircut. I am teaching him signs since he still isn't talking much. He will say
"mom" and "dada" but everything else is jibber jabber. He can sign: more, eat, and all done. I need to start teaching him some more because he is doing so well with it. And gets way less frustrated with me while trying to communicate. SethJason climbs on everything and loves to throw his little football (just like daddy). He is now sleeping through the night, completely weaned, and even sleeps in his crib!!!! This just happened about 3 months ago. hehe. Its wonderful to have a few months off before we start this process over with AsherTate. Everything is a phone to him and he loves to talk.... unless someone is actually on the phone and then he doesn't talk at all. hehe.

~ Our family is starting to pray about where we want to live forever. We miss our families in California sooo much and we are really just trying to figure out what will be best for us. MrV is looking into transfers for later this year and where would be best. Please be praying for us as we listen to The Lord and really decide where we want to plant roots. We have lived in 4 different states in the last 3.5 years and we really want to settle.

~ We found a church here that we are really enjoying too! Its a bigger church but everyone is so so friendly. SethJason even has a little class that he does too and he really LOVES it! He plays with all the little kids and is learning about sharing, songs, and The Lord.

We are really being reminded of just the love of God and that HE directs our steps.

After Christmas blues.

After the Holidays is always so strange. 

Trying to keep up with chores.

Attempting to not only eat cookies and eggnog all day. 

Adjusting back to normal life. 

MrV went back to work today after a few days off for Christmas and it was so sad for me! It felt a little strange to be just me and our son at home all day long. He is still enjoying all his new toys but I was a tad lost when I went to put on Christmas music with the fireplace on while he played. It took me about a milisecond to think "is this okay?" Is Christmas music really off limits after December 25th? 

Christmas has SUCH a huge build up. Some families start decorating and listening to Christmas carols before Thanksgiving! And then in a blink of an eye, its all gone and we have to take down the tree and garland and go back to whatever music we listened to before 'O Holy Night' was on repeat. 

We place all the ornaments back in the boxes and no longer buy peppermint mocha coffee creamer. 

On to the next BIG event! With new beginnings, resolutions, promises, and declarations. 

And although Christmas is over, my biggest resolution is that the reason behind it all - Jesus - will continue to impact those around me. 

empty cups of eggnog, disipating smell of pine, and love. - MrsV

Merry Christmas 2014

Hello lovelies! 

I know you are all wondering where in the world i have been.... well i wish i had something awesome to tell you -- but i have been in my apartment with Seth (LittleGuy) being a momma and loving this pregnancy. 

Today, I am enjoying the day celebrating the birth of our Savior with my beautiful family.  LittleGuy received so many amazing gifts from family and is currently napping (or in a sugar coma). 

MrV is playing with his little brother's new XboxOne getting lost in the Shadows of Mordor. 

I just finished my 4th cup of eggnog (don't judge me) and typing on my brand new ipad that MrV totally surprised me with! 

My in laws are all watching The Hobbit -- which i am not a total fan of. lol. 

Asher (LittleMan in my tummy) is kicking like crazy (probably wants more eggnog). 

We are thoroughly enjoying this Holiday and I am a little sad for the day when MrV returns to work next week and the magic is gone. 

May today (and everyday) be filled with laughter, the joy of Christ, smiles, and love! 

christmas sweets, mugs full of eggnog, and love. - MrsV

Re-launch & announcement

I know I haven't been around much. 

I have been chasing a 1 yr old, changing diapers, cooking, doing laundry, cleaning, and doing a lot of praying. 

Captivated By Love blog has always been such a fun place for me. My journal, my record keeping. My place to find encouragement for unanswered prayers. 

I have been praying a lot about what to do with this blog and now that things have settled down I am so excited for....

..... A RE-LAUNCH this Fall {no exact date but probably in October}.

There will be a new look and faithful writing. 

I will have recipes, cleaning tricks, wifey stuff, mommy hood, and a whole lot of Jesus talk. 

I am so excited and I hope you are too! 

And now for the next announcement ....

......

Yup! We are going to have a BabyVThe2nd! 

We feel incredibly blessed to be able to have another child!!! 

So I will be capturing my pregnancy again on here and on social media {@xxooMrsV} with hashtag BabyVThe2nd. 

MrV and I are just so happy! 

Relaunches, new baby, and love - MrsV