registry stalking & to-do lists

Tomorrow is my rehearsal dinner... for my WEDDING!

Can you believe it is already that time?!

I have a VERY long to-do list today after i get off (in another 2 hours and fifteen minutes.. time is going by way to slow). Tonight my friend, Alyssa, gets into town and i am hoping i can get everything (well at least the majority) done before she is here so that i can have some relaxing time with her (OR she can help me finish the errands hehe).

My Fiance is currently getting his hair cut for the BIG day! (:
Yesterday i got my nails done (french tip.. of course.) and my Fiance... well... his nails look nice too. (;
Its so funny to me how i can instantly feel girlier when my nails are pretty. It puts a smile on my face.

Today i have a few more "beauty treatments" and also do my guest seating. I made little out of town gifts (well... its a thank you note, fun facts about our town, a map, and directions from their hotel to the ceremony site, with some m&ms and ribbon) and i have to deliver them to all the hotels so they can put them in our guests room before they arrive. Love it!

Tomorrow i have to pick up our champagne flutes, aisle runner, and arch from the rental place, pack everything up and have rehearsal at 3pm. (:

I am still a little in shock that it is that time already! It really did go by fast!

I stalked my registry today and i cant wait to get my gifts! I know its a little like opening the presents before Christmas.. but i couldnt help myself! It was right there, on target.com, just waiting to be clicked! i gave in to the pressure. BUT i am still excited (i think JUST as excited as if i didn't look... i mean... a picture isn't as good as the real thing!)

All the reservations are all set up for our honeymoon too! Everything is falling into place. Drama is trying to creep its way in the wedding... but i am keeping the bridezilla away! hehe. I trust it will all go smoothly! (:

God is continually blessing us with the whole process and we can't wait!

- lots of to-dos, gifts, and love - M

♥ . ♥ . ♥

i'm an adult. when did this happen??

Yesterday i signed  my lease with my future husband! (3 days... he will be my husband!) I am sooo excited!

The other day, all while working an 8 hour shift, i got renter's insurance for our place... AND waited on hold for 45 minutes to get utilities put in OUR name. (:  But it got done.. and i think my wonderful Fiance will be sleeping in our apartment tonight. (:

It felt SOOOO weird when they were putting the big King bed in our new room. I like realized "oh my goodness... next week i will be sleeping next to my HUSBAND!" hehe.

I am starting to feel soooo adult now. I have always been paying bills (rent, utilities, car insurance, etc) but it feels different now. This apartment i got on my own with my soon-to-be husband. (no co-signer). We will have our bills, cell phones, cable, internet.... all for our new life. IDK... i just feel not like a kid anymore. hehe. (had to happen sometime)

Don't get me wrong - i still plan to be silly, dance around my house, sing super loud, cook mac-n-cheese, and color in my coloring books (i LOVE doing this when i am stressed or need to relax or feel creative) but i am ready for my wife role. (:

Cook for my husband, support him, love him, clean the house, work, pay bills... its exciting! hehe. (: Its not ALL mundane too. We will be able to go on trips together, relax together, take walks, go to church, and have dinner! (:

I know not everyday will be sunshine and rainbows. Not everyday will i feel like breaking out into song and dance. But it will be worth it. (:

growing up, fun times, and love. - M

♥ . ♥ . ♥

Hello... my name is Monica...

... and i am a daughter of an alcoholic.

This is something that is NOT a secret to anyone i know. I grew up in a very small town... where people like to talk.

I do not want to write this blog about my past, or what has happened to me. I have moved on... but i would like to write down how it is now... and what it means to be an adult child of an alcoholic.

Its amazing how the way you grew up can really influence the way you are as an adult. I am noticing more and more of that now that i am preparing to walk down the aisle.

Adult children of alcoholics can tend to be perfectionist, overreact to change out of their control, constantly seek approval and affirmation, are extremely loyal (even in the face of evidence that loyality is underserved), frightened of angry people, have an overwhelming sense of responsibility, stuff their feelings, have low self-esteem, and can be terrified at personal criticism. [ site reference ].

These things could be going on in the adult head, all because of an addiction that the child did not say yes to.  Because of the way we, as children, needed to guard ourselves from our alcoholic parents . . .  we can tend to OVER guard our hearts to our new adult relationships. We build up these walls so that we cannot get hurt. But walls dont keep us from getting hurt . . . it keeps people from getting in and lovingly touching our hearts. I know that i do this at times. . . and now that i am seeing it - i am more equipped to fix it.

We can tend to see things not as they truly are - but as our "hurt glasses" see them. Like when you have colored sunglasses on and your world looks a little altered. Adult children of alcoholics can sometimes look at a situation and instead of seeing it for what it truly is . . .  we see through our hurt and react out of that - making something a big deal, although it really isn't. People who were not affected by alcoholism have a hard time understanding or relating to this. We have to take the "hurt glasses" off and see life for what it really is . . . and not for what our anxieties and fears see it.

Alcohol is a VERY touchy subject with me. Everyone who knows me . . . knows this about me. And although my mother has an unhealthy relationship with alcohol, i have noticed that i too, have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol.
I do not love it too much that i choose it about other things . . . but i HATE it so much that i choose harsh feelings over other things. Which is also unhealthy.

I hate ALCOHOLISM and what it can do the family. But not everyone who drinks is an alcoholic. Not everyone who goes to a bar has a problem with alcohol. It seems soo simple, but for a daughter of an alcoholic . . . that is something i had to re-learn.

So.. yes, i do have walls up that i need to tear down in order to have a healthy relationship with my new husband. He is a very understanding and gracious man and i am soo thankful for him. I know that it takes steps to get to where i need to be . . . and i have been taking those baby steps. Every day i feel like i have more and more breakthrough in this area.

I am being honest with myself, honest with my future husband. I breathe and have to remind myself that sometimes i am looking through my "hurt glasses" . . .  and i need to take them off to see what is REALLY going on and not what my previously hurt heart sees.

Its a challenge and a learning process. I recently went to an Alanon Meeting (for families affected by alcoholics). i HIGHLY recommend it. If you are affected by anyone in your life who is (or was) an alcholic, please find a meeting to attend. Even if you are not in contact with the alcoholic . . .  it will help. trust me.

Remember that the past will only dictate your future . . .  if you allow it to.

hope, new beginnings, and love. - M

♥ . ♥ . ♥

stopping to smell the roses

This pretty flower bouquet was at my work. A guest sent them to my manager. (:

This beautiful flower just kind of made me smile when i saw it. With life going by soo fast and always having a million things to do (especially with my wedding a week away) it  truly is nice to stop and smell the roses.

Its a phrase that is often said... but i doubt anyone really thinks about it. At least i don't. lol. But lately i am trying to really understand what it means.
Just STOP everything... the thinking, the worrying, the complaining, the wondering, the budgetting, the to-do listing and enjoy what is around you. Not just roses... but sunsets (or sunrises... when i take my future husband to work.. often times we can see them.)

this was once after i dropped him off. (:

It could be looking at a rainbow. When my Fiance and i first started dating... we both sent eachother a picture of a rainbow at the exact same time from our own houses. (:


this was from him. (:



this was from me. (:

There are soooo many things that we could just take a moment... and enjoy it. Let the beauty speak to us... and it can calm our fears, take anxiety, remind us of what is important, and just simply put a smile on our face. (:

It could be snow....i personally do not like the snow... but some people like to look at it.

i woke up to this one morning, when i was visiting a friend.

Whatever it is that takes your breath away... just enjoy it. Search it out. Thank God for His beauty. Allow yourself to stop and be captivated by all that is around you. (:

-Beautiful things and love. -M

♥ . ♥ . ♥ 

today i am missing you...

i have been thinking about my Gram a lot lately... especially with my wedding coming up so quick.

My Gram was a truly amazing woman. She was sooo cute too!

I remember going over to her house and eating cheese and apples and watching TV with her. It was like our favorite little snack together. (:

i found this the other day. (:

This is my gram and papa on her birthday... when i was probably around 10 or 11. When i found this i started to tear up because i miss her sooo much!

 She truly was the best grandma! She raised my older sister... and always took care of all her grandchildren. 

She was THE BEST cook ever! I wish that i learned more cooking from her (thankfully my sister knows a lot... and she can give me her recipes). 

When i was younger i remember my Papa going into the kitchen and saying "hey mama... whats for dinner?" and then he would open whatever pot of pan she was cooking in. hehe. It used to make her soooooo angry! She would always grumble under her breath. hehe. 

Christmas, Thanksgiving, and birthdays were ALWAYS celebrated at my Gram's house. All of us would come together, cook until way to late the night before, eat and hang out the day of, and argue over who would be doing the dishes. And when we would leave... my Grammie would wave to us until we reached the corner of the street and turned. 

These precious memories and her life will forever be in my heart. (:

this is my Gram on her bday before she passed. 

I will be wearing her anniversary ring for my "something old". 

I love you Gram sooo much! I know you will be looking down on me while i walk down the aisle. 

fond memories and love. - M

♥ . ♥ . ♥

Mmm.. delicious happiness

Yesterday i had a date with the always-ready-to-hang-out Ben and Jerry - throwing my bridal workout plan out of the window. I sat in my apartment, alone, ate ice cream and watched a tear-jerker movie. 

I believe that crying makes me feel better in any situation. Of course my eyes always hurt and my nose gets stuffy... but i need that outlet to get my feelings out. With the stress of the wedding approaching, bills, moving, and family... i needed a good cry. Something i am NOT ashamed about. (:

So if you are feeling stressed, overwhelmed, mad, frustrated, sad, tired, or even happy (last night my wonderful Fiance called me to talk about how happy he is to marry me... and i teared up then too) i encourage you to have a good cry! Let it all out and talk to God about how you are feeling. Once those feeling are released... its amazing how better you can feel - even if the circumstance is the same. (:

releasing happy and stressed tears, ice cream, and love. - M

♥ . ♥ . ♥

stressed is desserts backwards.

I NEED some delicious desserts!!!

today i am feeling very stressed!!! this is me:

i have faith it will get better!

stress, desserts, and love. -M

♥ . ♥ . ♥