Thursday, July 26, 2012

Fighting Insecurity

insecurity: (n)  Lack of confidence or assurance; self-doubt.

I loathe insecurity. I don't like it in myself and it saddens my heart to see it in other people.

I think there are differnt forms of insecurity... but ( I think ) everyone battles them from time to time. There is the insecurity of our looks, our personality, and our abilities. It all comes down to our worth.

Yesterday I was experiencing that self-doubt. I had crazy thoughts going through my head about how I am not accomplished enough, not pretty enough, not thin enough, not Godly enough and I am too emotional, too plain, too boring. So I was feeling not enough and too much at the same time! Wow was I in an unhealthy rollercoaster of emotions.

I kept taking it steps further thinking how my husband would be better off if he had never married me... or married someone else...bla bla bla.

Now, I don't want to write this for anyone to assure me... or feel sorry for me.. or anything like that. I wanted to write this to be REAL.  So if you are feeling anything similar to how I was feeling, you can relate to me and know that you are not alone.

I have had my ups and downs with insecurity. Sometimes when I feel like I have won the battle... another comes along. It is a daily struggle. So DAILY I must choose to come into agreement with what the Lord speaks over me.

Of course the enemy LLOOVEES when we doubt or question ourselves. He takes sheer delight when we go against what the Lord has said to us.
He wants us to feel not good enough, ugly, broken, small, ashamed, confused, too much to deal with, not talented, unaccomplished, and unloved. If he can get us to feel soo terrible about ourselves -- then he is winning. He comes to steal, kill, and destroy. [ John 10:10 ]
He will speak complete lies to you! And THOSE ARE LIES!

Here are some truths--

- You are all together beautiful  [ Song of Solomon 4:7 ]
- God created you and you are fearfully and wonderfully made. [ Psalm 139:13-14 ]
- God thinks you have an unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit[ 1 Peter 3:3-4 ] 
-  God has great plans for your future filled with hope. [ Jeremiah 29:11 ]
- You can be strong and courageous because the Lord is with you. [ Joshua 1:9 ]
- You have more value then you can imagine. [ Luke 12:7 ]
- Charm and outward beauty will fade over time.. but a woman who fears the Lord should be praised. [ Proverbs 31:30 ]
- God is with you always. He is proud of you and will rejoice over you. He will quiet you with His love and exult over you with singing. [ Zephaniah 3:17 ]

Those are only a FEW of the many many things that the Lord thinks about you. Read them. Memorize them. Put them over our house. On your phone. In your car. Places that you can see them daily and be reminded. Surround yourself with these things - it helps.

When Martin and I were doing long distance I heard one of my pastors say "You are beautiful. You deserve to be pursued. You deserve to be adored." I loved it... so I typed it up and put it on my front seat visor of my car.
I also put the name 'Hephzibah'. Hephzibah is Hebrew for 'My delight is in her'... which is what God called His people in Isaiah 62:4. I wanted to ALWAYS be reminded of this truth.
The other thing I have in my car is a promise from the Lord... which was so appropriate in my time of being away from Martin.
'For the Lord God is a sun and a shield; the Lord will give grace and glory; no good thing will he withhold from those who walk uprightly'. - Psalm 84:11
All three of these are STILL in my car.

When I was at my lowest point and I was really re-building my relationship with the Lord after I fell away, I would put alarms or reminders on my phone to go off every 30-45 minutes that said things like "You are beautiful., You are worthy. You are loved. God is proud of you. You are lovely. You have a destiny."
Now.. for me at the time... I needed the reminders THAT often... but for you.. it may just be once or twice a day. But DO IT!

When self-doubt creeps in about the way that I look now I can remember Proverbs 31:30 that says that beauty is FLEETING. Now, we still need to be healthy.. so eating right (or at least... better lol) and exercising (even if it is chasing 2-yr olds or purposefully parking farther way from the store to walk) are important... but don't STRIVE. Don't create an unhealthy relationship with food. Don't beat yourself up because you don't look like a model -- or even like Susy down the street.
Once I keep in mind that beauty is fleeting (Proverbs 31:30) and that God says that I have an unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit ( 1 Peter 3:3-4) then I can accept the fact that I will never be a size 5 or have a larger chest. I am STILL beautiful!

You are powerful! Look at yourself like this kitten.

Lord, thank you for every single person that is reading this blog right now. God, I pray that you would touch them. Show them their worth. Remind them of the beauty that they posses that is more then hairstyles and jewelry. Thank you that you made all of us unique. That you created us in our mother's womb to be EXACTLY the way that we are. I praise you that every person has a divine future filled with hope and love. Help them to see that, God. I pray that if anyone is dealing with insecurity that they would rebuke that lie and hold tight to YOUR truth about themselves. You created all of us in YOUR image. You are the artist. Jesus is the model. We are the masterpiece. Help us to keep that in mind. Lord, we are sorry for speaking ill of ourselves. For speaking badly of how we look or how we are. We love you so much Lord. We praise Your holy name! We invite you to touch our lives and we submit to Your will. Thank you that YOU take delight in US. 
In Jesus Name. - Amen. 

I hope you all have a lovely day and weekend! 
seeing the lion in the mirror and love. - Monica
♥ . ♥ . ♥ 


Anonymous said...

Im so glad you were able to take a step back and realize that no matter how real your insecurities feel when youre feeling them, they are not what others see when they look at you. It's hard to text a long response on my stupid phone but the things I wish I could have better told you are tese. Martin LOVES you above anyone else. He could have pursued any other life he wanted, but instead he came back to you. He married you because to him you are a better future than any other one he could have imagined. You are a beautiful woman, not only in image but in action, thought, and word.... and none of that is based on what size pants youre wearing. Many people given the childhood you had would have grown up to be very different people, but you embraced it and made your life the complete fairy tale you wanted. THAT is better than many people are willing to put forth the effort for.

Mrs_V820 said...

Shawna - Thank you soo much for your sweet words!! They brought good tears to my eyes. I am so glad that I have a friend like you to speak life into my heart.
Thank you for reminding me of my personal truth. (:
Love you!

Anonymous said...

That is EXACTLY how I feel about myself. it totally sucks!!!

MandiLynn said...

Were you in my head yesterday?
I got into a huge fight with Ryan yesterday because I was feeling so down on myself.
Thanks for posting this. I really needed it.